Chapter 15 - Irony

Wow. I am speechless right now. Someone's expecting (and its not me) and is going to be a daddy. I'm not really sure how I should feel at the moment besides utter shock. Two years ago, if you would have asked me where I see myself today, it would be married and probably living in Houston. Obviously my life is completely opposite of that now (all by personal choice); single and living in Dallas. Now someone else is living out the life I thought I was going to have. Maybe I should be happy that I didn't go through with any thing and I am not living in regret, but at the same time I'm not really sure how the hell I feel. Once a cheater always a cheater and he lost my trust long ago, the relationship would have never worked out. I still can't believe how things tend to work themselves out. Weird.

Phew, now that I am down with that, my day has been pretty great. My nephews are here and currently passed out on the floor beside me. I couldn't ask for anything better.

I can't even think right now I am still in such shock.

Oh I did get a new phone, an LG Dare, which I like so far.

Chapter 14 - Waiting Patiently

I'll be straight up, right now my emotional sanity is a huge roller coaster. Today I woke up at my parents to realize I'm really not ready to face the real world, yet I am already in it. I feel so alone here in the big D and I know it is mostly my fault. Making friends was so much easier in college when I encountered thousands of people my age on a daily basis. Now I hardly ever socialize with anyone my age on a regular basis and I really thought I could handle it, but obviously not.

I've also been single for almost two years and I honestly never thought it would last this long. It defiantly has a plus side but dammit sometimes I really want someone to hold me and cuddle with. Someone I can confide in. I never thought I would be one of those girls who needs a man to feel complete, but I'm starting to think differently. I've been going through some stuff lately and honestly I would love to come home everyday and have someone to talk to and listen to my stupid bitching. I'm trying really hard to take Suz's advice and wait patiently, the guy of my dreams will show up when I'm least expecting it. Fuck, that might take for freaking ever.

I got to see my nephews this weekend and it was amazing. They are so great becayse they ALWAYS bring a smile to my face and lift my spirits. Gabe is such a sweetheart and David is the biggest goober I know.

Is it weird to say that I think my parents pushed me away from wanting to go back home? I came home for three days, fuck I even came home early and worked from their house on Friday yet it seemed like they really didn't even care I was there. I haven't felt this way in a really long time, but it seemed as though they had better things to do rather than talk to their daughter that they hardly see. It was depression and it really pissed me off. Especially when my dad was a jerk and in a pissy mood the entire weekend.

Maybe I'm just a Debbie downer right now and will wake up on the right side of the bed tomorrow.

Peace, love and chicken grease. I'm outta here.