Chapter 37 - Everything Happens For A Reason

 I haven't been able to update this thing in awhile. Unfortunately, I had to fly back to Texas last week to attend my grandmother's funeral. I didn't cry as much as I thought I would mostly because I knew she was rest and was in peace. She has been ill for some time and her health slowly declined over the years. It was time for her to go up and be with her daughter. It was nice to see all my family, my grandparents from Brownsville even made it all the way up.

It is always nice to see family come together but bittersweet knowing it was because of a death. At the funeral all the grandchildren had little mementos they wanted to share. Some couldn't speak for themselves because of the very emotional situation, so that left me, Court and my brother to share what we all were feelings.

Some of the highlights:

• Her awesome cinnamon rolls.
• All the quilts she made us.
• The love we always felt when we walked through the door.
• Her positive attitude through difficult situations.
• She never gave up believe in her faith even when most people in her circumstances would. 

After everything that happened last week, Grandma made it possible for me to take pictures of the boys and Sadie in bluebonnets. I must say, the pictures came out pretty good. Below are a few of my favorites.

Chapter 36 - Patsy Cline is the Way to Go

I didn't mean to go this long without updating my blog. I haven't even been that busy. Sad.


Work is going great. I am trying to be as helpful as possible and learn whatever I can, it just sometimes seems that its impossible.

People keep asking how I am enjoying NYC. If you want to really know, I am absolutely in love with this place. Yes, I've only been here a month but this move is going much better than I could have ever anticipated.
Here are the reasons why I believe things have gone so smoothly:

• I received insight from almost everyone I knew who lived here. They gave me realistic expectations of what life was going to be like and didn't sugar coat a damn thing.
• I didn't have this *OMG moving to NYC will solve all my problems and be freakin' awesome* attitude about the Big Apple. I knew it would not solve anything emotionally. That my friends, can only come from me working to be a better person in general.
• I took six months to weigh the pros and cons of what I was getting myself into. I am not a person to make completely irrational decisions in the spur of the moment, especially if they have the potential of affecting the rest of my life.
• My family has been extremely supportive of me taking the plunge. They have never once doubted my ability to survive on my own. (Or at least they haven't voiced their concerns. I really appreciate that.)
• My close friends understand why I did this and have my back no matter what.
• Although some days I may lack motivation, I am extremely driven to succeed in my career and personal life.
• Teddy went to a complete brat to mini brat. He has adjusted so well up here. I have to give credit to the dog run, without it he would be just like he was in Dallas.
• I've learned to budget my spending and actually stick to that budget pretty close.

I took picture of my place this weekend and posted them up on Facebook. After scrolling through them, I instantly realized I was in love with my studio. Every little thing means something to me or symbolize a piece of who I am.

As I mentioned previously, Teddy has adjusted better than expected BUT he is beginning to be a little instigator. Over the span of an hour and a half yesterday he got in four altercations. It was embarrassing but I really don't know how to stop his behavior. I'll have to research what the Dog Whisperer would do.

For the past two weeks my grandmother (my mom's mom) has been in the hospital in critical care. I don't really know what is going on anymore. They thought she had a heart attack but after surgery the doctor said she didn't. Since that surgery last Tuesday she has been 'asleep'. I still have yet to understand what that really means. She is on some type of oxygen machine and can no longer breathe on her own. That was since last Friday. I was under the assumption she did not want to be on any sort of life support, but it doesn't seem like that is the case right now. I'm just praying that my mom and her family have the strength to do whatever they feel is needed, no matter the outcome. really hope for the best and that she will be fine but I am prepared for the worst.

No one knows what the right or wrong thing to do is at this point. Some people would stick it out and pray for the best, others would say unplug everything and let nature take its course. Personally, I have made it clear to my parents that if something happened to me that I never want to be kept on life support or anything that I can't do on my own (whatever they may be). I would never want any of my family or friends waiting for me to wake up. I think that is more painful than actually letting me go and grieving with loss. There are lots of other reasons but overall I would rather put my fate in the hands of God rather than a machine.

Okay, so that was a little depressing but it's been on my mind constantly.

I am looking forward to this weekend. A co-worker is staying at my place for the weekend and we are going to be tourists together and enjoy the city!

Chapter 35 - Will I Ever Learn My Lesson?

It's Monday and I'm in a total funk. Once again it is my fault. I didn't take my meds Saturday or Sunday and as a result I'm in a horrible mood. Okay, maybe not horrible but I don't even feel like communicating with anyone. Blah. F.

Anyways, on a plus note this weekend was pretty fun. I went out Friday evening and checked out A's place in Brooklyn. I'm envious of all the space she has. We were supposed to go dance at some place, but ended up just relaxing at her place and calling it an early night.

Saturday I made sure I set my alarm so I wouldn't sleep the whole day away again. I woke up at ten and took Teddy to the dog run for two hours. It was absolutely beautiful outside and there were tons of dogs. I relaxed most of the day and watched episodes of Brothers and Sisters and Private Practice. A and I went out again but headed to the UWS. We at this Chinese place where they serve FREE ENDLESS Franzia. Cheap white wine, but it was free and the food was decent. We then headed to the LES and went bar hopping. We really wanted to go to the karaoke place, but some douche wouldn't let us in. Jerk.

Sunday, I took Teddy to the park again and relaxed the day away. I really should have cleaned but didn't. Watched the Oscars and called it a night around 11.

I had the weirdest dream last night. I have such surreal dreams that sometimes its difficult for me to differ my dreams from reality, I'm not sure if its a good or bad thing. I remember the foundational plot of the dream, who was in it, and what I was doing but the details are beginning to fade the more the day goes on. You know, that could be another reason of why I am in such a weird mood. Who knows.

Not too much going on in my life right now. I really need to make it to some Aggie happy hours/watch parties. I've missed the past two just because I was too lazy to go.

Is it Friday yet?

Chapter 34 - Gossip Girl

Due to the fact of a comment A made on my last blog, Gossip Girl... XOXO can't seem to leave my head. I love that show, although I haven't seen any new episodes since December. Tear.

I haven't begun to miss Texas yet. Honestly, it's kind of weird because I thought I would. I would be lying if I said I haven't had little bouts of depression (30 minutes here and there) in regards to realizing what I am going to miss out on in the next year because I can't afford to fly home every month. The next thing coming up that popped up in my head last night was that I won't be able to take pictures of the boys in bluebonnets this year. I have done this since LD was born. It really makes me sad. And now I have a really good camera and the pictures would come out awesome. Urgh. It's just something that I am going to have to get over.

I know I talk about the dog run all the time but it's an hour out of my day every day of the week. And it just so happens to be the most entertaining. Teddy has found himself a new BFF, Tank. He is this cute fluffy white dog who has this cute late-twenties owner, who just happens to have a GF. Lame. After, seeing each other for a week we still had not introduces ourselves, but last night we finally did. I will refer to him as P. For the hour we were there, I found out awesome places to go on the UES, now I just need people to go with. Ha. I also found out why a grown man has a cute little fluffy dog. He was in the 'dog house' with his GF and he got out of it by purchasing Tank and becoming his daily walker. I found this very amusing mostly because it happens all the time in relationships, but usually the guy comes home with flowers or something and not a living animal.

Work is going well so far but I still question myself on a daily basis. There is so much information I have to learn and I don't know how I am going to piece it all together. I need to be more confident but that will take time.

Now, I left the best for last. Yesterday, I saw my first street mouse as I was walking home. It was very tiny and didn't bother me much. Well, last night I was watching episodes online and all a sudden I see something moving out of the corner of my eye. I didn't think much of it until I realized Teddy was sound asleep on the bed next to me. I popped back up and to my surprise, there was ANOTHER little mouse but this time it was in MY apartment. My movement must have scared it because he ran under the crack of the bathroom door and never came back. (Or at least hadn't while I was awake.)  Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I need Winston to come to NYC ASAP to eat them. It still gives me the heeby geebies thinking about it.

Tonight I am supposed to go to this underground dance hoorah with A. Should be interesting....