I woke up this morning feeling ten times better than I did yesterday. Thank goodness. I don’t think I could take two days of crappiness in a row.
Today I am excited about everything, most of which deals with moving. The big move is a little less than three weeks. Wow.
I just balanced my checkbook and redid my budget for the next two months. Not too shabby.
I want to figure out how I am going to decorate my apartment, but I have no idea of the actual dimensions. I keep coming up with ideas, but have yet to know if it will work out.
Going to get my car cleaned and detailed after work, another $100 bucks out of my pocket so I can sell my car.
I really need to wash clothes and clean my apartment. Now the test, will it actually happen tonight? There is a fifty-fifty chance.
Tomorrow is happy hour, the best weekday activity ever invented.
Kiss. Kiss.
1.26.2010
1.25.2010
Chapter 25 – Something You May Not Know
I’m a pretty open book when it comes to telling people about me. However, after having a conversation with a close friend it occurred to me that most of my friends and colleagues have no idea what I struggle with on a daily basis.
Depression.
I’ve dealt with depression for as long as I can remember. I was diagnosed with it my senior year of high school but had encounters with it way before then. Although, it should not have been surprising seeing as though a large chunk of my family deals with it and being bi-polar like it is a normal occurrence of everyday life.
I take a medicine daily, the highest dose one can take. If I take it religiously, I am fine and deal with ups and downs as any other person may. However, I’m not perfect. I miss it every now and then and sometimes even miss a couple days ie. this past weekend.
It is now Monday and I am in horribly funky mood, it’s unreal. I haven’t felt like this in a very long time and I do not like it at all. I don’t even know how to explain it. I love my life. I think it’s great. But today my brain is telling me differently. It is a horrible feeling. Not being able to be happy when you want to so badly. Tomorrow will be better. I’ll be back to normal by Wednesday. Sadly, this isn’t the first time this has happened.
Depression was a huge struggle in my relationship with Tim. Although he never held it against me and was always supportive, he blamed our breakup/s on it. I can honestly say that depression was never a factor in breaking up with him. It was the lack of trust plain and simple, one day I hope he understands that.
As far as friendships go, I don’t think it has ever been a factor in the ending of any. If I’m having a bad day I try to be honest with myself and the people around me, so they understand it’s not them.
That leads me to relationships with my family, especially with my mother. When I was younger I would always blame myself on how my mother treated me. With the help of a psychologist, I slowly realized it wasn’t my fault and I now understand that she was dealing with her depression while trying to be my mom at the same time. Not a simple task. My father has always been supportive of everything in my life and I talk to him about everything. However, I don’t think we have ever discussed my situation without others being involved in the conversation. He himself admits it’s something he has never been able to understand. How is it someone I confide in all the time has no idea how to deal with something so huge in my life? It baffles me.
I wish more people could understand but I realize most people can’t unless they have dealt with it. Which, I hope no one ever has to. But if they do, then they can always come to me.
On a lighter note:
I move to the big city in a little less than three weeks. It is beyond crazy. Once I sell my car, I am completely ready. Texas, I’ll miss you.
My next blog will be more uplifting! Or at least I hope it is. :)
Depression.
I’ve dealt with depression for as long as I can remember. I was diagnosed with it my senior year of high school but had encounters with it way before then. Although, it should not have been surprising seeing as though a large chunk of my family deals with it and being bi-polar like it is a normal occurrence of everyday life.
I take a medicine daily, the highest dose one can take. If I take it religiously, I am fine and deal with ups and downs as any other person may. However, I’m not perfect. I miss it every now and then and sometimes even miss a couple days ie. this past weekend.
It is now Monday and I am in horribly funky mood, it’s unreal. I haven’t felt like this in a very long time and I do not like it at all. I don’t even know how to explain it. I love my life. I think it’s great. But today my brain is telling me differently. It is a horrible feeling. Not being able to be happy when you want to so badly. Tomorrow will be better. I’ll be back to normal by Wednesday. Sadly, this isn’t the first time this has happened.
Depression was a huge struggle in my relationship with Tim. Although he never held it against me and was always supportive, he blamed our breakup/s on it. I can honestly say that depression was never a factor in breaking up with him. It was the lack of trust plain and simple, one day I hope he understands that.
As far as friendships go, I don’t think it has ever been a factor in the ending of any. If I’m having a bad day I try to be honest with myself and the people around me, so they understand it’s not them.
That leads me to relationships with my family, especially with my mother. When I was younger I would always blame myself on how my mother treated me. With the help of a psychologist, I slowly realized it wasn’t my fault and I now understand that she was dealing with her depression while trying to be my mom at the same time. Not a simple task. My father has always been supportive of everything in my life and I talk to him about everything. However, I don’t think we have ever discussed my situation without others being involved in the conversation. He himself admits it’s something he has never been able to understand. How is it someone I confide in all the time has no idea how to deal with something so huge in my life? It baffles me.
I wish more people could understand but I realize most people can’t unless they have dealt with it. Which, I hope no one ever has to. But if they do, then they can always come to me.
On a lighter note:
I move to the big city in a little less than three weeks. It is beyond crazy. Once I sell my car, I am completely ready. Texas, I’ll miss you.
My next blog will be more uplifting! Or at least I hope it is. :)
1.20.2010
Chapter 24 - On Top of the World
I can’t express how excited I am for my move in three weeks. My trip to the city this past weekend went great. I found an apartment, got approved and signed my lease! It’s a block from Charles Schurz Park, which is supposed to be awesome and has a dog run for Teddy. Plus, my new place is only a few block from the Subway. Of course it is tiny, but to me, it’s perfect. It’s on the second floor, a full wall of exposed brick, a full kitchen, and has wooden floor.
Although my cost of living has just doubled, it is totally going to be worth it. Me, LKC, living in NYC. Un-freaking-believable.
I’m truly blessed with what God has provided me throughout my life. I certainly wouldn’t be where I am today without the support system of my family and friends.
Three weeks left in Dallas. I need to soak up all the time with my friends as possible. I have a feeling with Suz comes up here for my party (which symbolizes me and her both leaving for big cities), I'm going to have a very very intense cry. I will start preparing now.
Although my cost of living has just doubled, it is totally going to be worth it. Me, LKC, living in NYC. Un-freaking-believable.
I’m truly blessed with what God has provided me throughout my life. I certainly wouldn’t be where I am today without the support system of my family and friends.
Three weeks left in Dallas. I need to soak up all the time with my friends as possible. I have a feeling with Suz comes up here for my party (which symbolizes me and her both leaving for big cities), I'm going to have a very very intense cry. I will start preparing now.
1.14.2010
Chapter 23 - Flying to the City
I'm headed out early Saturday morning to NYC. Off to find a place to live for the first year in the city. I'm nervous I won't find a place and the thing is, I kind of have to. It is so more complicated to get into an apartment there. You have to have; last two tax returns, last two bank statements, proof of employment, last two pay stubs, and a billion dollars for a deposit. It's ridiculous. That is the worst thing about this move, everything else is great. Well, thus far. I figured I would love the first month, hate the second, and finally get acquainted thereafter.
I still can't believe I am really doing it. Only taking two bags, Teddy and Winston. What in the world am I thinking? Only time will tell of the events that are to come.
I still can't believe I am really doing it. Only taking two bags, Teddy and Winston. What in the world am I thinking? Only time will tell of the events that are to come.
1.05.2010
Chapter 22 - Big City Girl
Yup that's right. In less than a month and a half, I will be moving to New York City. Can you believe that? Me, small town-country girl is moving to the big city. I am extremely excited and can't wait to see what the future has in store for me! I've given away most of my stuff and just a have big items to sell and I am ready. I am going to be dirt poor for a bit until I can build my savings back up, but it is totally worth it.
Things have been pretty great the past few months. I took at two and a half week vacation at the end of last year. Luckily all my major projects finished before I left so I had very little to worry about. I went to see both sets of grandparents with my parents over the break and it was so bittersweet. It was the last time I was going to see my family for awhile.
I've been digging deeper into photography and I seriously considering pursuing it professionally, I just have to continue to save some money to buy better lenses and maybe one day a badass camera. I'll leave you with some recent pictures.
My cousin Sadie. I took a couple of months back:
One of my most recent sessions was of Amber posing for her bridal portrait:
And of course my all time favorite so far:
Things have been pretty great the past few months. I took at two and a half week vacation at the end of last year. Luckily all my major projects finished before I left so I had very little to worry about. I went to see both sets of grandparents with my parents over the break and it was so bittersweet. It was the last time I was going to see my family for awhile.
I've been digging deeper into photography and I seriously considering pursuing it professionally, I just have to continue to save some money to buy better lenses and maybe one day a badass camera. I'll leave you with some recent pictures.
My cousin Sadie. I took a couple of months back:
One of my most recent sessions was of Amber posing for her bridal portrait:
And of course my all time favorite so far:
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