Chapter 10 - Vicious Cycles

There are situations I put myself in that I sometimes wonder, what the hell was/am I thinking? Most of time I really don't keep in mind the consequences that could occur due to my actions. Take for instance this past month, I started talking to a guy again that I really shouldn't have because of a certain situation. But I did and had fun at the time but now I am just wanting to slap myself across the face for being such an idiot. Obviously I got emotionally attached but the bigger of the two evils is that is just intensified the feeling of being single and lonely. Which I need to work on myself before I get into another serious relationship. Although I want someone to share my life with, I also need to be happy with me.

Only two more weeks and I will be moving to Dallas. I'm very excited! I know I have so much unknown ahead of me, but I think that is the best part. I've also have decided to hold of on getting a dog because some of the projects my boss told me that I will be on will have me traveling to NYC! So exciting!

Living at home for the past month and a half hasn't been as bad as I though, probably because I am never there on the weekends. I have been coming back to CS every weekend to spend time with friends and party while I still can. It has definitely been great.

Not much is going on in my life at the moment that is life altering, that will happen in the next few weeks. So I am off for now. Time to read. :)

Chapter 9 - Lonely

There has been so much running through my head lately. The biggest thing of all is being lonely. I think this is the first time in the past year and a half since I have been single that I honestly feel like there is something missing in my life. I am ready to be in a relationship again. I'm ready to open myself be vulnerable to someone else's actions and emotions. I'm ready to trust someone and that is one thing I never thought I would be able to do again.

I'm still in Willis for the next three and a half weeks. Boo. God I just want to be in Dallas already. Working. Being a grown up. Is that too much to ask?

I have recently had this sudden urge to have children. WAIT people, I am no where near a point in my life that I could have them. I am not ready, but I still really want them. So I will get a puppy to fill that void even if my dad thinks that getting a dog is the stupidest decision in the world.

I'm in the mood to cuddle....Winston better watch out tonight!

Chapter 8 - Learning to Live

A few months have gone by and so much has happened since I last updated. I graduated, went to Paris, fell for a guy, learned from my mistakes and decided a real man was worth waiting for, told myself I deserve better, found a place to live in Dallas, said goodbye to my past, and I'm sure there is plenty that I am leaving out.

There were a few times this semester where I thought, mostly out of fear and stress that I might not graduate from A&M, but I did. Honestly it was a huge personal accomplishment. Looking back at my freshman year in college I thought, fuck I am going to have to go to SAM and live with my parents because I can't handle this place. Well I did and graduated ahead of schedule with a GPA I am quite proud of.

Towards the end of the semester I started to like this guy and I knew from the beginning it would never work out, but still pursued it. It was something that was inevitable and I knew it was going to happen, but I wasn't really sure how. We finally both pursued the attraction and well let's just say I put an end to things before I got more hurt that I already had. Some things aren't meant to be and we were not.

Paris was amazing with Suzannah. It slowly became one of the best weeks of my life. Beautiful site seeing, amazing food, great times, and I place I will always remember. A couple of warnings though: you WILL get pick pocketed and don't take a US straightener overseas, it will blow up.

I'll be moving up to Dallas on February 14th to my new home. I've picked out the place, which is in Addison. Found furniture, which I need to order. And now I think I am ready to start a new chapter of my life even if I am not 100% sure about what is in store for me.

Tomorrow is my last full day in College Station. I am going to miss this place. Its where Grace and I found a bond no one can take away, where Tiffany and I got our friendship back on track to where it used to be, the place where I met amazing people who taught me its okay to be me, the town that shows me on a daily basis of why I love Texas, its the place where numerous memories where made with friends, and the place I found myself.

Dallas awaits....