Chapter 3 - Forgiveness

"You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well." - Lewis B Smedes

I truly believe to move on with your life you must forgive the ones who have deceived you in the past. Most of my close friends are aware of the pain I have gone through this past year. I found out that the person I truly loved, lied to me more than I ever thought possible. I will admit I was not the best person to him at times but I can say with all my heart I was always honest with him about my actions and emotions.

I need to, shit, I have to come to terms with my past. Sometimes I wonder if I will never be able to trust another man again. Right now I know I can't and it angers me to think even though I am moving on with my life, he ultimately might be the reason I will never be able to trust or fall in love again.

Right now, I can’t say I forgive him for everything he did, the pain he put me through, or the times he made me doubt myself. I do however hope the best for him and hope he is truly happy because there was a time I did love him.

Tomorrow is my last day at BofA and I am heading back home right after work. I am excited and scared of what is in front of me.

I am excited to see all my friends and family again, because they are what truly makes me happy. But I am scared to leave Dallas. I have had such an amazing experience here, not only with work but with life in general. I haven't been this happy in a while and I think I finally figured out the direction I want my life to head.

Although Noel and I have only been close friends for the past six months, I don't know what I am going to do with out her so close to me for five months. We both have gone through a lot in the past few years and we can always see where the other is coming from. I definitely have to thank her for slapping me across the face the other day and shoving me back to reality. Let's just say I was enjoying myself a little too much and needed to get back on track.

Hopefully by the end of this month I will learn if I have an offer from the bank. So far I have no reason to believe I don't, but I am not going to count my chickens... I've narrowed the places down where I want to live when I come back and have began to seriously narrow down my choices of the type of puppy I want to get in December.

I'm looking forward to a great last semester at A&M, for the memories it will give me and the stressful times that will haunt me. I am especially looking forward to getting my Aggie ring. Tiffany, my childhood friend is dunking it with me. We've known each other since we were in diapers, we grew apart during middle school and high school but always stayed in touch. And now she is at A&M with me and we get to experience my favorite tradition together.

Oh and Tiffany got engaged! I was utterly speechless. I couldn't stop smiling. I still am in shock, but a good shock. Good luck to the two of you!

As I look out my office window, all I remember are the good times I had here. The sleepless nights of fun, before, during and after the bar. The great people I met. The friendships that blossomed. And an experience I will never forget.

Chapter 2 - Faith

I believe things happen for a reason, people change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they go right. You believe lies so you eventually start to trust no one but yourself and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

~ Marilyn Monroe

If you would have showed me this quote a year ago, I would have laughed in your face. Especially if you told me I myself would change. I never thought I could change who I was or what I stood for. I haven't changed much and most of my values are still in place, but there is defiantly a stronger side to me these days. I don't need a man to tell me how much I am worth, how amazing I look, or how sweet I am. I can now look in the mirror and stare back at the person and tell them, you are beautiful, you are worth more than words will ever express, you can achieve anything you set your mind to, and lastly you will never settle for second best again.

So the thoughts in the above paragraph are pretty typical of a girl. Naturally I realize there were will ups and down in my life where I won't feel so top on the world, but at least I know what it feels like. I realize no woman is ever truly happy with every aspect of her life or body, but that doesn't mean it should keep you from enjoying life and living it to the fullest.

Things are still going great at work and I am hoping to have good news soon regarding a full time position in the spring.

Besides feel great, there is nothing to adventurous going on in the Life of Laura.

Later gator, this girl needs her beauty sleep.

Chapter 1 - The Best Summer of My Life

I swear this summer has been the best. Fun times with great people. Working at BofA, interning and working in the area of my dreams. I love it!

I should never have doubted myself and my decision to move here. I have had crazy nights with Noel and Heather and look forward to more after graduation.

I am supposed to learn by the last week of August if BofA will offer me a full time position after graduation. I am crossing my fingers, because I love this place!

My nephews, brother and sister in-law came up this weekend. I hadn't seen the boys in two months. It was so nice to see them. They always know how to bring a smile to my face. We went to a Ranger game, didn't stay the whole time. It was way to f-in hot. Passed out at the hotel then met up with my Aunt and her family on Sunday. I am grateful for such a wonderful family that supports me and loves me for me.

I haven't been this content with my life in a while. I'm single and loving it. I can't wait to start a new life up here in Dallas in the spring.

So long from Dallas, I figured it was time for a quick update.

Halfway Through My Internship

Wow, six weeks has gone by incredibly fast! Things have been going pretty good up here in Dallas. I had my midpoint review yesterday with my boss. Before hand I wasn't too nervous about 'the talk' but once I got in there, oh my gosh my hands started sweating! But it all went well and I met standards on three topics and exceeded on three others. I really hope I get an offer. I love it here.

The only drawback is not getting to see my BFF's or my family. I miss LD and Gabe so much. I talk to them on the phone but it doesn't compare to seeing them and getting to spend time with them. I can't wait for them to come up here and visit.

I have come to realize being a grownup and paying for your own bills sucks! Oh well it still beats being a student and studying.

Nothing too interesting has gone on since my last post. Well, that I can think of. Winston is starting to be a pissy pot and he meows every freaking morning at 5AM, ruining my sleep. Damn cat. I've been reading a lot this summer, I know who knew, me read? Six books to be exact, my next is awaiting me at my door step delivered today courtesy of UPS. The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous and Broke by Suze Orman. Some people might think, reading a book on money, BORING but I tend to believe it will be very interesting and will probably teach me a thing or two.

Hope all is well and call me if you hit up the Big-D anytime soon!

Mainframe Printers Were Almost the Death of Me

I haven't updated in awhile, mostly because things have been so hectic here at work. By the time I get home I am mentally exhausted. I've been tacking a mainframe printer issue for the past two week and finally yesterday things fell into place.

Work is going great. I love my job and I really am dreading going back to school in the fall. Yesterday was an amazing day at work:

I fixed the mainframe printer problem.

Had a conversation with a lady who is highly looked up to in BOA and she told me I could use her as a reference because she has had nothing but a positive experience working with me.

Had another conversation with the TPM (the job I am shadowing). I am currently helping her with mainframe problem. When I told her that I had figured it out, she couldn't stop thanking me and then told me I could use her as a reference also.

I can't express how happy I am right now, my hard work is paying off, and I am seeing results. I am so excited.

I love Dallas. I have started to look at places to live in the spring after I graduate. Hopefully I will get an offer from BOA and start the beginning of February.

I am so so so happy.

Now the one thing I am missing is a man, and honestly, he can wait. I am having the time of my life right now and I couldn't ask for anything better!

Rummaging Through My Mind

Today was the start of week four as an intern at BOA. I still absolutely love it. Minus the fact I woke up an hour and a half late today, I still am having a a pretty good day. It's going by fast because there is usually not a dull moment, minus right now.

After work, I am headed to Heather's (another intern) to work out. I am bound and determined to start eating healthy and working out again. I feel so much better when I do, about myself, people, and life in general. It's just hard to get that boost, I'm hoping I finally found it again.

This weekend Heather and I are headed to San Antonio for the weekend to see her friend who is interning there. Should be a fun road trip. She got a new camera so I'm pretty sure there will be LOTS of pictures posted on facebook Sunday evening.

I miss LD and Gabe so much. I'm scared to talk to them on the phone because I'll prolly break down crying. Boo.

Everything is going pretty good right now, nothing to complain about except for Winston biting my toes off in the middle of the night. Bastard.

I leave you with a picture from yesterday's adventure of finding a Wal-Mart...

Living, Laughing, Loving

I have so much on my mind that I have no idea where to start. I want to be in love with someone who is in love with me. I want shoulder to cry on. I want to have a job in Dallas after graduation. I want to be financially stable. I want to feel secure.

I am still in love with my internship and couldn't be happier with my current work situation. I just got back from happy hour which was fun. My face is kind sore from smiling and laughing so much. Lots of stories, funny people and cheap drinks.

Reality slapped me across the face today when I say my first pay stub and 30% of my first pay check was taken out...

There is so much going on up in my noggin that I can't think straight and I'm tired. So this is a short one.

Checkin' out.

Week Two as an Intern

This weekend was fun. Firday I went to the Londer with Noel and some of her friends. The food was alright but the socializing was fun. After Noel and I went to Zen bar with her new friend Josh. It was definately a change from College Station bars, a lot more classier, but a crap load of more pricks and sluts. For once Noel and I were the first 'good girls' in the crowd.

Saturday I woke up and headed to my Aunt's house. We ate at a new Mexican place close to downtown, pretty good but totally outta my price range. We went back to her place, relaxed for awhile then went shopping. :) I actually found a cute new top and two pairs of shoes, in size 11, and in my price range at Nordstroms. I was very happy. By the time we got back to her place it was eight so I headed home. Showered, watched tv then crashed.

Sunday I slept till who knows when. I went to the grocery store, that was probably the most productive thing I did all day. In the later afternoon I went and played volleyball with Noel and some other people. It was fun, but I suck after not playing for a long ass time.

Today is Monday and I don't have a case of the Mondays :) Although there are a lot of things going on in my life I would rather not deal with but have to. Everyday I come to work, the more I want to stay here after graduation. Sure it is three hours from home but I really think I could have amazing opprotuinites here and network during my internship to set myself up for corporate success. I know I was meant for big things or at least attempting them.

Lunch is almost over for me. Work nine hour days this week so I can have half of Friday off to spend with Grace.

Later gators.

Interning

I'm in love with my internship. Although its only been four days, it is exactly what I want to be doing when I graduate so the experience is amazing. I get to go to meetings, sit in on conference calls and actually do work pertaining to current projects that are going on. It is so cool to actually use what I have learned and what I was exposed to in school. Little stuff like knowing little terms, what things do what and processes. My bosses is a young guy, real cool and nice, and doesn't get irritated at all my questions. I couldn't have asked for a better placement.

I do however live in the ghetto and ride the bus with people in the ghetto. The first day I rode the bus I rode with a group of people on parole and two trannys. Oh well, the price I pay for being an intern.

Tonight I'm going to dinner with Noel and a group of people she knows then we are going out to have some fun! :)

Winston the Kitty Cat

Is sounds asleep on my bed here in Dallas, passed the f out.

I have most everything put into place here at the apartment. Nervous as hell for tomorrow.

Law and Order

Is an amazing show in which I am completely addicted to. Today was an eventful day, I drove from Houston back to Willis for Little David's kindergarten graduation it was adorable. It is hard to think that little boy is already about to be in first grade. After that I headed to College Station to finish things up with the Nagle House and to order my ring :) It was in a way surreal sitting in the room ordering my ring, trying on ring sizes, and looking forward to September 19th! The Aggie Ring is definitely my favorite tradition. It symbolizes so much to me; completing 95 hours of my college career (most of which was at aTm), learning who I was a a person, meeting new friends, and growing even closer to my family.

My head is aching, I think its because of all the crap it can't stop thinking about. Damn.

Snickerdoodles

Are absolute delicious. Five more days and I will be in Dallas arranging my life for the the next couple of months. There is nothing much going on in my head right now, just the same old crap as yesterday.

To go to College Station tomorrow or not to go o.O? That is the question, I'll probably decided tomorrow when I wake up. Now it is movie time.

Falling

I spent an amazing weekend with a person I truly love. I couldn't have asked for a better time. The time we spent together will be etched in my memory forever.

Is it possible to fall head over heels for the same person twice? Or is that just your heart making the same mistakes again. I'm falling for him again. My heart is so confused, usually it knows what it wants but not this time. There are so many inflows of emotion and so many unknowns. I'm not sure what to do... Go for it: risking the same hurt and pain the guy has caused me in the past. Or say goodbye: not taking the risk of getting hurt again, finding someone who I can trust from the beginning and hope for someone to find me later in life. Both of these choices have no guarantees.

God I hope I will soon have something more positive to post.

Crazy

I'm sure if you survey the male population asking if they thought women were crazy, 99.9% would respond yes. And I am here to confirm their thoughts. We, women, are f-in crazy. We are crazy about life, love, and living. We put our hearts into everything which in the end results in our 'craziness'. We trust so easily and allow ourselves to fall head over heels for someone even if we have only known them for a week. We can go from laughing out loud to crying our eyes out because we took something the wrong way. Embrace the craziness, love the craziness because you know what guys? You can't get enough of it!

Wishing and Hoping and Praying

Wishing that I could have a girls night out, but it's impossible when one of your friends is half way across the world, another in Florida, and the other in her hometown. I'm really in need of some major girl action concerning drinking and comforting. It's amazing how fast my girlfriends can bring a smile to my face and know the right things to say to make me feel on top of the world again.

Hoping for great things in Dallas. Although it's only an internship and I'll only be there eleven weeks, it is still eleven weeks in a city I have hardly ever seen let alone lived in. My aunt is there along with her beautiful daughter who is an absolute doll. Noel is moving to North Dallas so I know she won't be too far away. I'm sure I'll meet new friends which I love meeting new people, it's just kind of scary meeting new people alone.

Praying to find motivation for life. Not only to be the best I can be in the working world but also my personal life. I need motivation to know it's okay not to be married within the next few years, to be comfortable with the fact that I might not meet 'the one' till God knows when, to allow myself be happy alone and with the people that are currently in my life that make up my family and friends.

If you reading this and think damn, cry me a freaking river, well f-you because you know what? This is called a 'blog' and I'm blogging. :) Toodles

Honesty

How are you supposed to know when the person you trying trust again is lying? Are you supposed to trust your intuition and follow what it is telling you? Are you supposed to try and trust again, just have it broken up into a million pieces again? Do I move on with my life to find a new beginning? These are the questions I am starting to struggle with on a daily basis.

Confuzzueldness

Sometimes I wish I could turn off that thing I call a brain. It makes me think about good and bad things, but there are times where it just focuses on the bad. I recently have started talking to a person from my past and well things are going well. The thing is I'm not really sure how well and where things will go from here. There is a big part of me that wants to move on with my life to avoid getting hurt but then there is the other part that wants to see where things go. I have a huge problem trusting guys which leads to problems in my relationships. There is lots of reasons why trust is such a big issue for me but thats really not the point.

I'm leaving for Dallas in a little less than three weeks and will be there for eleven. Maybe I should embrace the fact that I am going to place where I know no one and have huge opportunities in front of me. But hell, I'm scared. Maybe I am over thinking everything and should just go with the flow. Or maybe I'm crazy. Who knows.

Goodbyes

With the ending of the semester and the start of summer, everyone goes their separate ways. This time, saying my goodbyes wasn't easy.

If you would have asked me two years ago who were the closest people to me, Suzannah never would have come to mind. Going to the same school with each other since we were ten, I never imagined living with her for two years in college. We both have changed so much since our high school days, which I personally think is for the better. We have had our roommate moments of silence and also times of helping each other up the stairs after 'getting over AK' nights at North Gate.

With all the moments; good and bad, I've come to have a beautiful, amazing, caring, sweet, and loving best friend. We have gone through so much together, boys, friends, family, school, and ABC TV. I've learned to be more social and care free from her. She said she has learned to be more 'emotional'. Last night was perhaps a night I will always remember, Suz cried before I did. After five minutes of hugging and crying we parted our ways.

The crying wasn't only because I'm losing one of my best friends for eight months, but because I won't get to dunk my ring with her, she won't be there for my graduation, and I won't get to party my last semester away with her. Okay maybe I'm being a little selfish, she does have this once in a life time opportunity to go to Spain and France and get all 'cultured' or something like that, but damnit I just can't help it.

This past semester I have grown to love my Tuesday is the New Friday group. Great people with great hearts, who know how to party! Some graduated, some went to different states for the summer and a few remained close to home. I hope this group continues its rituals in the Fall even if it has to be on Aggie Football Saturdays. I sure am looking forward to being together with all of them again!

T-minus two and a half weeks and I will be starting my internship in Dallas. If A&M has taught me anything, it's that you can accomplish whatever you have your heart set on. For the past two years I have been interested in working with Bank of America and have always gone to their informationals on campus and what not, making sure I was 'seen'. Well I had a total of 20 interviews this past year, with a few on-sites, lots of rejections and one offer, with Bank of America. Two years ago, I wasn't in the business school, I didn't have a GPA anyone would want, and I wasn't involved in AITP. Two years later, I'm about to graduate with an INFO degree from the Mays School of Business, have a better GPA, and have the internship of my dreams.

I don't know what the future holds for me, but so far life is pretty good.