I don't know if I should cry or be extremely pissed off right now. It has been almost two month since I last talked to one of my good friends. I've called a few times with no response. I finally broke down and wrote her an email but still no response. I'm not sure what went wrong and I have no idea why this has happened. Okay maybe I have a slight idea because it always happens when she gets in serious relationships, but seriously? I thought we were beyond that phase. There is the part of me that wants to be angry and livid, but there is the other part of me that makes me want to curl up in a ball in cry. I never would have thought a few months ago that this would be our relationship now. It just plain ol' sucks. I'm not good at maintaining friendships for a variety of reasons, but I thought just maybe this one would last. Evidently I was wrong. Damn. Another one bites the dust.
Work is going great. Things have finally begun to pick up and I am constantly busy from 7:30-4:30. I am still struggling with gaining confidence as a project manager but hopefully that will come with more experience. I didn't get a yes about NYC, but I didn't get a no. I am taking it in my own hands and making it happen myself. I would say the possibility is now around 75% of moving to NYC. I also got a new manager because my old one had way too much on his plate and couldn't dedicate enough time to his reports. But it is a win-win for everyone and I'm excited to work with my new manager who I have heard great things about.
Teddy is doing great. He is always chipper and ready to play. Winston is starting to be a pissy pot, MUCH more than before. Let the sibling rivalry continue on!
Dallas is good, I just wish I could manage the time to maintain good friendships here. I go out every Wednesday to happy hour, but thats about the only time I am devoting to building relationships. I need to work on that.
I bought a new camera and once again have fell in love. Everyone is telling me to quit my job and pursue photography, but if only everyone knew how easy it is to get into that now and would probably not work out. BUT I am strongly considering taking it up as a professional hobby and then just MAYBE I can pursue it as a profession.
Men, are simply non-existent. Mostly because I don't have time for them and when someone does show interest I just don't give them the time of day. What is wrong with me? I bitch and complain about not having someone but then I do that crap to myself. Oh the vicious Chapa cycle.
Hmmmmm, thats all I got on the noggin at this point. Later.
7.16.2009
Chapter 18 - These Days
Life seems to be going by at a pretty normal pace. Nothing too exciting happening in the near future, besides a river trip. I've have been thinking about my future lately. I'm just going to lay it out.
1. I am going to take the GMAT
2. Further my education and get a MBA
3. Move to New York City or Charlotte
4. Be happy with myself
5. Be proud of what I've accomplished
Five things on my to do list with in the next two years. And the last two are probably the scariest. There is a lot of reasoning behind each of them but I'm most sure more people are wondering why the hell I want to leave Texas or get my MBA so young. Honestly why the hell not? I'm young and moving out of Texas would definitely make me more marketable in the long run for my career and an MBA would just add to that. I know there is only so much you can plan, but I'm determined. If I've learned anything from the past year, it is that you are in charge of your future and every action that leads to that, is completely in your hands.
I'm going to be honest, I haven't been completely happy lately. I think my depression now comes in three month cycles. Who knows. I've started to realize that I suck at maintaining friendships. A big part might because I judge women so much harder than I do men. I hate that people are so unreliable, that people won't tell you the full truth, keep things from you so they won't hurt your feelings, and just being plain shitty. Come on people.
I'm not enjoying single life anymore. I need someone. Someone to hold me. To kiss me. To look into my eyes. To need me. I started dating again, I'm open to to it. Either my expectations are way too high, or I am just having shitty luck. Or I should just stop expecting to find anyone in the next few years. Maybe I really should just focus on me. Me, me, me.
Work is slow but will soon be picking up. I'm sure once things get busy again, I will feel as though I am contributing more and it will result in confidence. Weird how doing good at work makes me more confident.
In the mean time I will stick to thinking about selling all of my belongings, throwing my clothes in a bag, jump on a plane with Teddy and Winston, and go live in NYC.
In the mean time I will focus on loosing weight.
In the mean time I will try and be happy.
In the mean time I will try and forget about men.
In the mean time I will enjoy Texas.
In the mean time I will remind myself how luck I am to be where I am.
In the mean time I will get back to work.......
1. I am going to take the GMAT
2. Further my education and get a MBA
3. Move to New York City or Charlotte
4. Be happy with myself
5. Be proud of what I've accomplished
Five things on my to do list with in the next two years. And the last two are probably the scariest. There is a lot of reasoning behind each of them but I'm most sure more people are wondering why the hell I want to leave Texas or get my MBA so young. Honestly why the hell not? I'm young and moving out of Texas would definitely make me more marketable in the long run for my career and an MBA would just add to that. I know there is only so much you can plan, but I'm determined. If I've learned anything from the past year, it is that you are in charge of your future and every action that leads to that, is completely in your hands.
I'm going to be honest, I haven't been completely happy lately. I think my depression now comes in three month cycles. Who knows. I've started to realize that I suck at maintaining friendships. A big part might because I judge women so much harder than I do men. I hate that people are so unreliable, that people won't tell you the full truth, keep things from you so they won't hurt your feelings, and just being plain shitty. Come on people.
I'm not enjoying single life anymore. I need someone. Someone to hold me. To kiss me. To look into my eyes. To need me. I started dating again, I'm open to to it. Either my expectations are way too high, or I am just having shitty luck. Or I should just stop expecting to find anyone in the next few years. Maybe I really should just focus on me. Me, me, me.
Work is slow but will soon be picking up. I'm sure once things get busy again, I will feel as though I am contributing more and it will result in confidence. Weird how doing good at work makes me more confident.
In the mean time I will stick to thinking about selling all of my belongings, throwing my clothes in a bag, jump on a plane with Teddy and Winston, and go live in NYC.
In the mean time I will focus on loosing weight.
In the mean time I will try and be happy.
In the mean time I will try and forget about men.
In the mean time I will enjoy Texas.
In the mean time I will remind myself how luck I am to be where I am.
In the mean time I will get back to work.......
6.11.2009
Chapter 17 - As the World Turns
This week has been crazy with both work and my personal life. Work started out very stressful on Monday and Tuesday and has slowly calmed down since then. Whew, but I am still happy with my job and couldn't ask for anything better.
I went on a date last night. It was great and he seems like a great guy but I'm just not sure if there was that 'instant' click. Before and after the date was more of the entertaining part if you were on the outside looking in. I went to happy hour before my date. I was feeling good since I was all dolled up for dinner. As I walk in I'm searching for the group and finally find them. Well guess who is sitting at the table, of all people who do I see? HIM, the guy I met a month ago and hadn't seen since. Then of course the other guys had to tease me about my date the entire time. I swear it is so weird how my life tends to work itself out.
As I was leaving to go to dinner the clouds decided to let the rain pour. I drive to restaurant and run from my car to the door to get inside, soaking. All I could do was laugh.
Oh I got a puppy last month! I haven't written since then so some time has passed. His name is Teddy and he is Toto from the Wizard of Oz. He is adorable, hyper, sweet, and has a great temperament. Winston love to tease him and Teddy loves to chase back. It's pretty entertaining if I say so myself.
Life is pretty great and Dallas is amazing!
I went on a date last night. It was great and he seems like a great guy but I'm just not sure if there was that 'instant' click. Before and after the date was more of the entertaining part if you were on the outside looking in. I went to happy hour before my date. I was feeling good since I was all dolled up for dinner. As I walk in I'm searching for the group and finally find them. Well guess who is sitting at the table, of all people who do I see? HIM, the guy I met a month ago and hadn't seen since. Then of course the other guys had to tease me about my date the entire time. I swear it is so weird how my life tends to work itself out.
As I was leaving to go to dinner the clouds decided to let the rain pour. I drive to restaurant and run from my car to the door to get inside, soaking. All I could do was laugh.
Oh I got a puppy last month! I haven't written since then so some time has passed. His name is Teddy and he is Toto from the Wizard of Oz. He is adorable, hyper, sweet, and has a great temperament. Winston love to tease him and Teddy loves to chase back. It's pretty entertaining if I say so myself.
Life is pretty great and Dallas is amazing!
5.14.2009
Chapter 16 - Growing Up
I've officially been in Dallas for three demanding, challenging, and amazing months. I would be lying if I said it's been easy. There are days where I feel utterly alone and then other days where I feel as though I am on top of the world. I thought being a teenager was emotional, damn was I wrong. Growing up and living on your own while the people you care about move on with their lives.
As always, I've been thinking, and thinking, and well you know how the rest of the story goes. I miss college but also am loving work. Mixed emotions call for a Dos Equis and that's exactly what I am going to get out of my fridge.
Mmmmmmmmm. Delicious.
As always, I've been thinking, and thinking, and well you know how the rest of the story goes. I miss college but also am loving work. Mixed emotions call for a Dos Equis and that's exactly what I am going to get out of my fridge.
Mmmmmmmmm. Delicious.
4.18.2009
Chapter 15 - Irony
Wow. I am speechless right now. Someone's expecting (and its not me) and is going to be a daddy. I'm not really sure how I should feel at the moment besides utter shock. Two years ago, if you would have asked me where I see myself today, it would be married and probably living in Houston. Obviously my life is completely opposite of that now (all by personal choice); single and living in Dallas. Now someone else is living out the life I thought I was going to have. Maybe I should be happy that I didn't go through with any thing and I am not living in regret, but at the same time I'm not really sure how the hell I feel. Once a cheater always a cheater and he lost my trust long ago, the relationship would have never worked out. I still can't believe how things tend to work themselves out. Weird.
Phew, now that I am down with that, my day has been pretty great. My nephews are here and currently passed out on the floor beside me. I couldn't ask for anything better.
I can't even think right now I am still in such shock.
Oh I did get a new phone, an LG Dare, which I like so far.
Phew, now that I am down with that, my day has been pretty great. My nephews are here and currently passed out on the floor beside me. I couldn't ask for anything better.
I can't even think right now I am still in such shock.
Oh I did get a new phone, an LG Dare, which I like so far.
4.12.2009
Chapter 14 - Waiting Patiently
I'll be straight up, right now my emotional sanity is a huge roller coaster. Today I woke up at my parents to realize I'm really not ready to face the real world, yet I am already in it. I feel so alone here in the big D and I know it is mostly my fault. Making friends was so much easier in college when I encountered thousands of people my age on a daily basis. Now I hardly ever socialize with anyone my age on a regular basis and I really thought I could handle it, but obviously not.
I've also been single for almost two years and I honestly never thought it would last this long. It defiantly has a plus side but dammit sometimes I really want someone to hold me and cuddle with. Someone I can confide in. I never thought I would be one of those girls who needs a man to feel complete, but I'm starting to think differently. I've been going through some stuff lately and honestly I would love to come home everyday and have someone to talk to and listen to my stupid bitching. I'm trying really hard to take Suz's advice and wait patiently, the guy of my dreams will show up when I'm least expecting it. Fuck, that might take for freaking ever.
I got to see my nephews this weekend and it was amazing. They are so great becayse they ALWAYS bring a smile to my face and lift my spirits. Gabe is such a sweetheart and David is the biggest goober I know.
Is it weird to say that I think my parents pushed me away from wanting to go back home? I came home for three days, fuck I even came home early and worked from their house on Friday yet it seemed like they really didn't even care I was there. I haven't felt this way in a really long time, but it seemed as though they had better things to do rather than talk to their daughter that they hardly see. It was depression and it really pissed me off. Especially when my dad was a jerk and in a pissy mood the entire weekend.
Maybe I'm just a Debbie downer right now and will wake up on the right side of the bed tomorrow.
Peace, love and chicken grease. I'm outta here.
I've also been single for almost two years and I honestly never thought it would last this long. It defiantly has a plus side but dammit sometimes I really want someone to hold me and cuddle with. Someone I can confide in. I never thought I would be one of those girls who needs a man to feel complete, but I'm starting to think differently. I've been going through some stuff lately and honestly I would love to come home everyday and have someone to talk to and listen to my stupid bitching. I'm trying really hard to take Suz's advice and wait patiently, the guy of my dreams will show up when I'm least expecting it. Fuck, that might take for freaking ever.
I got to see my nephews this weekend and it was amazing. They are so great becayse they ALWAYS bring a smile to my face and lift my spirits. Gabe is such a sweetheart and David is the biggest goober I know.
Is it weird to say that I think my parents pushed me away from wanting to go back home? I came home for three days, fuck I even came home early and worked from their house on Friday yet it seemed like they really didn't even care I was there. I haven't felt this way in a really long time, but it seemed as though they had better things to do rather than talk to their daughter that they hardly see. It was depression and it really pissed me off. Especially when my dad was a jerk and in a pissy mood the entire weekend.
Maybe I'm just a Debbie downer right now and will wake up on the right side of the bed tomorrow.
Peace, love and chicken grease. I'm outta here.
3.31.2009
Chapter 13 - Life's Little Annoyances
I swear I think there are people who know exactly what buttons to push and when.
I hate when people change their mind, I hate when people are fickle, and I hate and girls are stuck in the mentality that a man will make everything better. Sweetie, you need to fix yourself first. Ugh! I am beyond irritated now, I am just fed up.
Besides that, things are going pretty great up in Dallas. Work is very stressful but I knew that going in. I am what did I expect taking on a role that is usually filled by people with 10+ experience with the bank. Its good stress though, I think it will only help me in the long run.
I am covering for a project manager for four weeks while she is out on adoption leave, two more left! Let me tell you something, man OH man was it way more than I bargained for. I know it will only benefit me, but there are some MAJOR issues I have had to deal with that most project managers never deal with. But I know I am capable of handling the last week and half. I have amazing people supporting me on my team.
Chilifest is this weekend, I am sooooo excited!!! I am taking a vacation day so I can go up their early. I can't wait to see everyone and party like the old days. Ha, old days. Okay so I was there not two months ago partying, but I miss it so much!! I get to see Suz, which I am most excited about just because last year was amazing at CF. Plus I get to see all my fellow Nerds :) Oh I also get to spend some time with Grace, yay!
I miss my family terribly but I am going to get to see my nephews for the next three weekends! I am going to stop by Sunday on the way back to Dallas, make a little detour to see my amazing nephews!! Next weekend is Easter and the weekend after that they are coming to visit! You have no idea how excited I am. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!
I'm still not sure about this single life. Don't get me wrong, it has its greatness, but I also am craving to cuddle and have that special someone.
I've been working out and eating healthy for two weeks now. Lost a little weight, but have a way to go. Taking it day by day. I am bound and determined to not completely ruin it at CF.
The security guard in my complex hit my car with his little golf cart today. WTF. Oh well, he reported it to his manager and the insurance is supposed to come and take pictures. Fun stuff, I'm telling you. Grown up life. It's where its at!
Winston says, "Meow". I am not on crazy, just super excited about this weekend!
I hate when people change their mind, I hate when people are fickle, and I hate and girls are stuck in the mentality that a man will make everything better. Sweetie, you need to fix yourself first. Ugh! I am beyond irritated now, I am just fed up.
Besides that, things are going pretty great up in Dallas. Work is very stressful but I knew that going in. I am what did I expect taking on a role that is usually filled by people with 10+ experience with the bank. Its good stress though, I think it will only help me in the long run.
I am covering for a project manager for four weeks while she is out on adoption leave, two more left! Let me tell you something, man OH man was it way more than I bargained for. I know it will only benefit me, but there are some MAJOR issues I have had to deal with that most project managers never deal with. But I know I am capable of handling the last week and half. I have amazing people supporting me on my team.
Chilifest is this weekend, I am sooooo excited!!! I am taking a vacation day so I can go up their early. I can't wait to see everyone and party like the old days. Ha, old days. Okay so I was there not two months ago partying, but I miss it so much!! I get to see Suz, which I am most excited about just because last year was amazing at CF. Plus I get to see all my fellow Nerds :) Oh I also get to spend some time with Grace, yay!
I miss my family terribly but I am going to get to see my nephews for the next three weekends! I am going to stop by Sunday on the way back to Dallas, make a little detour to see my amazing nephews!! Next weekend is Easter and the weekend after that they are coming to visit! You have no idea how excited I am. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!
I'm still not sure about this single life. Don't get me wrong, it has its greatness, but I also am craving to cuddle and have that special someone.
I've been working out and eating healthy for two weeks now. Lost a little weight, but have a way to go. Taking it day by day. I am bound and determined to not completely ruin it at CF.
The security guard in my complex hit my car with his little golf cart today. WTF. Oh well, he reported it to his manager and the insurance is supposed to come and take pictures. Fun stuff, I'm telling you. Grown up life. It's where its at!
Winston says, "Meow". I am not on crazy, just super excited about this weekend!
3.23.2009
Chapter 12 - I'm a PC and I'm Twenty-Two Years Old.
I've been in Dallas for a month now, getting into the groove of things. Trying to be a grown-up and what not, especially when I just purchased my first month of health care. I feel truly blessed everyday I stay employed. Things have been pretty damn good. Work has been highly stressful but I continue to enjoy it.
In regards to my personal life, things have been a little rough. I'm just thankful for everything I have been blessed with.
On a funny/ironic note:
Friday, I get home from work and Winston won't shut up. I can't really figure out why. Sometimes he is just in a whiny mood. My friend and I then went to dinner and to the bar. We got home around 2 in the morning, relaxed and have some drunk munchies. As I am getting ready to go to bed, I go to my window to close it and notice little balls in the dark. I proceed to turn on the light to find cat crap on my floor and duvet comforter as well as a stench of piss coming from my lovely cover. Apparently some how the door to the closet that holds Winston's crap box remained closed the entire day. FML
In regards to my personal life, things have been a little rough. I'm just thankful for everything I have been blessed with.
On a funny/ironic note:
Friday, I get home from work and Winston won't shut up. I can't really figure out why. Sometimes he is just in a whiny mood. My friend and I then went to dinner and to the bar. We got home around 2 in the morning, relaxed and have some drunk munchies. As I am getting ready to go to bed, I go to my window to close it and notice little balls in the dark. I proceed to turn on the light to find cat crap on my floor and duvet comforter as well as a stench of piss coming from my lovely cover. Apparently some how the door to the closet that holds Winston's crap box remained closed the entire day. FML
2.21.2009
Chapter 11 - Blessed
This past week I learned about six people in the IT field who were laid off. All of whom I went to school with at A&M these past few years. It's unreal and I still can't believe it. Then the huge shock came today when I learned that the lady who hired me got laid off yesterday.
I talked to my boss and she said I shouldn't worry about my job, since I am in the leadership program my job is basically guaranteed for the next two years. Yet the bank could do whatever they want, whenever they want, however they want, so I am not taking this job for granted. But since I do have a job and I will love it, I feel completely blessed. Things are great for me and I am very thankful for that.
I've decided to live on a tighter budget the next few months in order to save more money just in case I do get laid off in the near future. Things are very intense right now, especially in my field.
On a lighter note, my apartment is turning out to be great. The only things I don't have are my dining chairs and those are being delivered tomorrow. But the best thing about this place, is that its very central and close to lots of bars and restaurants where singles my age go all the time. It's a great location.
Winston my lovely kitty cat has been so cuddly the past week and I am falling in love with him all over again. Okay that might sound a little weird, but he is not the cuddly type and I love when he does decide to cuddle with me.
As for men in my life, the loneliness comes and goes. Just like everyone has been telling me, when I am least expecting it or when I quit looking, love will find me. And honestly for once I am glad there isn't some guy texting and playing games with my head.
I am definitely starting to miss my family and it sucks. I want to see my nephews so bad. :(
Overall things are going pretty great for me right now and for that I feel truly blessed.
I talked to my boss and she said I shouldn't worry about my job, since I am in the leadership program my job is basically guaranteed for the next two years. Yet the bank could do whatever they want, whenever they want, however they want, so I am not taking this job for granted. But since I do have a job and I will love it, I feel completely blessed. Things are great for me and I am very thankful for that.
I've decided to live on a tighter budget the next few months in order to save more money just in case I do get laid off in the near future. Things are very intense right now, especially in my field.
On a lighter note, my apartment is turning out to be great. The only things I don't have are my dining chairs and those are being delivered tomorrow. But the best thing about this place, is that its very central and close to lots of bars and restaurants where singles my age go all the time. It's a great location.
Winston my lovely kitty cat has been so cuddly the past week and I am falling in love with him all over again. Okay that might sound a little weird, but he is not the cuddly type and I love when he does decide to cuddle with me.
As for men in my life, the loneliness comes and goes. Just like everyone has been telling me, when I am least expecting it or when I quit looking, love will find me. And honestly for once I am glad there isn't some guy texting and playing games with my head.
I am definitely starting to miss my family and it sucks. I want to see my nephews so bad. :(
Overall things are going pretty great for me right now and for that I feel truly blessed.
1.31.2009
Chapter 10 - Vicious Cycles
There are situations I put myself in that I sometimes wonder, what the hell was/am I thinking? Most of time I really don't keep in mind the consequences that could occur due to my actions. Take for instance this past month, I started talking to a guy again that I really shouldn't have because of a certain situation. But I did and had fun at the time but now I am just wanting to slap myself across the face for being such an idiot. Obviously I got emotionally attached but the bigger of the two evils is that is just intensified the feeling of being single and lonely. Which I need to work on myself before I get into another serious relationship. Although I want someone to share my life with, I also need to be happy with me.
Only two more weeks and I will be moving to Dallas. I'm very excited! I know I have so much unknown ahead of me, but I think that is the best part. I've also have decided to hold of on getting a dog because some of the projects my boss told me that I will be on will have me traveling to NYC! So exciting!
Living at home for the past month and a half hasn't been as bad as I though, probably because I am never there on the weekends. I have been coming back to CS every weekend to spend time with friends and party while I still can. It has definitely been great.
Not much is going on in my life at the moment that is life altering, that will happen in the next few weeks. So I am off for now. Time to read. :)
Only two more weeks and I will be moving to Dallas. I'm very excited! I know I have so much unknown ahead of me, but I think that is the best part. I've also have decided to hold of on getting a dog because some of the projects my boss told me that I will be on will have me traveling to NYC! So exciting!
Living at home for the past month and a half hasn't been as bad as I though, probably because I am never there on the weekends. I have been coming back to CS every weekend to spend time with friends and party while I still can. It has definitely been great.
Not much is going on in my life at the moment that is life altering, that will happen in the next few weeks. So I am off for now. Time to read. :)
1.21.2009
Chapter 9 - Lonely
There has been so much running through my head lately. The biggest thing of all is being lonely. I think this is the first time in the past year and a half since I have been single that I honestly feel like there is something missing in my life. I am ready to be in a relationship again. I'm ready to open myself be vulnerable to someone else's actions and emotions. I'm ready to trust someone and that is one thing I never thought I would be able to do again.
I'm still in Willis for the next three and a half weeks. Boo. God I just want to be in Dallas already. Working. Being a grown up. Is that too much to ask?
I have recently had this sudden urge to have children. WAIT people, I am no where near a point in my life that I could have them. I am not ready, but I still really want them. So I will get a puppy to fill that void even if my dad thinks that getting a dog is the stupidest decision in the world.
I'm in the mood to cuddle....Winston better watch out tonight!
I'm still in Willis for the next three and a half weeks. Boo. God I just want to be in Dallas already. Working. Being a grown up. Is that too much to ask?
I have recently had this sudden urge to have children. WAIT people, I am no where near a point in my life that I could have them. I am not ready, but I still really want them. So I will get a puppy to fill that void even if my dad thinks that getting a dog is the stupidest decision in the world.
I'm in the mood to cuddle....Winston better watch out tonight!
1.01.2009
Chapter 8 - Learning to Live
A few months have gone by and so much has happened since I last updated. I graduated, went to Paris, fell for a guy, learned from my mistakes and decided a real man was worth waiting for, told myself I deserve better, found a place to live in Dallas, said goodbye to my past, and I'm sure there is plenty that I am leaving out.
There were a few times this semester where I thought, mostly out of fear and stress that I might not graduate from A&M, but I did. Honestly it was a huge personal accomplishment. Looking back at my freshman year in college I thought, fuck I am going to have to go to SAM and live with my parents because I can't handle this place. Well I did and graduated ahead of schedule with a GPA I am quite proud of.
Towards the end of the semester I started to like this guy and I knew from the beginning it would never work out, but still pursued it. It was something that was inevitable and I knew it was going to happen, but I wasn't really sure how. We finally both pursued the attraction and well let's just say I put an end to things before I got more hurt that I already had. Some things aren't meant to be and we were not.
Paris was amazing with Suzannah. It slowly became one of the best weeks of my life. Beautiful site seeing, amazing food, great times, and I place I will always remember. A couple of warnings though: you WILL get pick pocketed and don't take a US straightener overseas, it will blow up.
I'll be moving up to Dallas on February 14th to my new home. I've picked out the place, which is in Addison. Found furniture, which I need to order. And now I think I am ready to start a new chapter of my life even if I am not 100% sure about what is in store for me.
Tomorrow is my last full day in College Station. I am going to miss this place. Its where Grace and I found a bond no one can take away, where Tiffany and I got our friendship back on track to where it used to be, the place where I met amazing people who taught me its okay to be me, the town that shows me on a daily basis of why I love Texas, its the place where numerous memories where made with friends, and the place I found myself.
Dallas awaits....
There were a few times this semester where I thought, mostly out of fear and stress that I might not graduate from A&M, but I did. Honestly it was a huge personal accomplishment. Looking back at my freshman year in college I thought, fuck I am going to have to go to SAM and live with my parents because I can't handle this place. Well I did and graduated ahead of schedule with a GPA I am quite proud of.
Towards the end of the semester I started to like this guy and I knew from the beginning it would never work out, but still pursued it. It was something that was inevitable and I knew it was going to happen, but I wasn't really sure how. We finally both pursued the attraction and well let's just say I put an end to things before I got more hurt that I already had. Some things aren't meant to be and we were not.
Paris was amazing with Suzannah. It slowly became one of the best weeks of my life. Beautiful site seeing, amazing food, great times, and I place I will always remember. A couple of warnings though: you WILL get pick pocketed and don't take a US straightener overseas, it will blow up.
I'll be moving up to Dallas on February 14th to my new home. I've picked out the place, which is in Addison. Found furniture, which I need to order. And now I think I am ready to start a new chapter of my life even if I am not 100% sure about what is in store for me.
Tomorrow is my last full day in College Station. I am going to miss this place. Its where Grace and I found a bond no one can take away, where Tiffany and I got our friendship back on track to where it used to be, the place where I met amazing people who taught me its okay to be me, the town that shows me on a daily basis of why I love Texas, its the place where numerous memories where made with friends, and the place I found myself.
Dallas awaits....
10.26.2008
Chapter 7 - Paris
In exactly seven weeks I will be leaving for Paris, France. I'll be flying to there to see one of my dearest friends, S. It wasn't necessarily a spur of the moment decision. I had been wanting to go over ever since she left back in May, but I finally decided why the hell not. I bought a ticket and will be flying out December 15th. It's a graduation present to myself. It will however further my accumulation of debt, but when will I ever get a chance to go to a foreign country for an entire week and experience it with an amazing friend? So far the only thing written in stone is my departure of the 15th, my return on the 23rd, and staying in Suz's grandfather's apartment in Paris. I still can't believe that I, LC decided all in one day to buy a ticket and go. Of course I still need to go and get my passport which I will do this coming week. I'm ridiculously excited to spend a week in a beautiful city with S. Don't worry, there will be tons of pictures capturing our 'Suzaura Adventures'!
In other news, seven weeks also symbolizes the pivotal date of graduation. I'm still working me ass off for good grades but not getting any in return. I am almost tempted to say screw it and aim for passing grades, but that isn't who I am. Graduation is close yet so unbelievable far away.
I went back home this weekend for the day to see my nephews. I love spending time with them, they are pretty amazing. At the same time I also came to realize how negative my mother can be. Back in high school we always fought, mostly because were so alike, but now I am in a different place in my life. I defiantly have a better outlook on life. Especially now, I am about to graduation, go to Paris, and then start a new job in a new city. I know it partly has to do with how she was raised and hardly received praise from her parents, but dammit for once I know I deserve some and I just wish she could at least show some excitement for me. Even with her own life it seems she can't be excited either. My parent are closing on a brand new house on Thursday, their first brand new house after 32 years of marriage and she didn't seem the least bit excited when she was talking about it. Weird...
But I guess I can never be satisfied with anything because before it was my father. I worked my ass off in school in order to please him. This past year with everything going on he told me he was proud of me. It was one of the better moments in my life to know my father was proud of his daughter and realize all of the hard work I've thrown myself into.
I am still thoroughly enjoying the single life. It has been more than a year since I've been in a relationship. This year has given me insight into what I really want in a guy, mostly generic qualities. I also know how I should and shouldn't act in a relationship and when to get out of one. At the same time, I am honestly 100% secure with being single right now, okay maybe 99% because there will always be those late nights where you wish you were sharing the covers with someone.
There is a so much ahead of me and I think the party is just beginning!
In other news, seven weeks also symbolizes the pivotal date of graduation. I'm still working me ass off for good grades but not getting any in return. I am almost tempted to say screw it and aim for passing grades, but that isn't who I am. Graduation is close yet so unbelievable far away.
I went back home this weekend for the day to see my nephews. I love spending time with them, they are pretty amazing. At the same time I also came to realize how negative my mother can be. Back in high school we always fought, mostly because were so alike, but now I am in a different place in my life. I defiantly have a better outlook on life. Especially now, I am about to graduation, go to Paris, and then start a new job in a new city. I know it partly has to do with how she was raised and hardly received praise from her parents, but dammit for once I know I deserve some and I just wish she could at least show some excitement for me. Even with her own life it seems she can't be excited either. My parent are closing on a brand new house on Thursday, their first brand new house after 32 years of marriage and she didn't seem the least bit excited when she was talking about it. Weird...
But I guess I can never be satisfied with anything because before it was my father. I worked my ass off in school in order to please him. This past year with everything going on he told me he was proud of me. It was one of the better moments in my life to know my father was proud of his daughter and realize all of the hard work I've thrown myself into.
I am still thoroughly enjoying the single life. It has been more than a year since I've been in a relationship. This year has given me insight into what I really want in a guy, mostly generic qualities. I also know how I should and shouldn't act in a relationship and when to get out of one. At the same time, I am honestly 100% secure with being single right now, okay maybe 99% because there will always be those late nights where you wish you were sharing the covers with someone.
There is a so much ahead of me and I think the party is just beginning!
10.04.2008
Chapter 6 - Change
This past month has flown by and I have no idea where it went. There is an incredible amount of chaos going on around me and I am starting to wonder if I even have a grasp on reality.
Ring day was two weeks ago, it was definitely one of the best days I have experienced at A&M. My parents came into town and were there to experience the day with me. The whole week preceding the event I couldn't focus on anything except getting my ring! I couldn't have asked for better people to get it with either, my parents, Tiffany and Justin. The hard work and dedication was well worth it. Nothing can compare to the feeling of sliding the Aggie Ring on. Afterward we celebrated in style and drank a beer at the Chicken, WH09P!
Last weekend was mine and Tiffany's ring dunk as well as my birthday party. Starting around 9:30 people started showing up. Sugar Pants came pulled a bottle of champagne out of his backpack and handed it to me. It was from Suz, directly from Paris with her handwriting decorating it. I started crying, a good cry. I miss her so much and I wish she could have been there but it also meant so much to me and reminded me of all the good times we have had together. It made me smile and still does just thinking about it.
For the ring dunk....It went well, we both drank all of our beer and proceeded to puke it right back up. But hey, we sucked it up and suffered through it together! I never would have thought I would dunk my ring with Tiffany of all people, either. She has always been there for me and we have had our times of fading in and out of each others lives. But dunking it with her just felt so right and is something we will never forget.
My birthday weekend went okay, nothing too special. It made me realize although I am graduating a semester early, I am so ready to move on with the next step of my life. Noel came into town to see me dunk and I realized I missed Dallas. But don't think at the same time I am not scared, because hell I am scared shitless. Moving on with another chapter of my life is scary especially when we are talking about setting the foundation for the rest of my life.
Next month I am going to Dallas for a weekend to look for a place to live and to talk to a financial advisor, can you believe it, me talking all grown up? Kind of surreal.
Also another change going on in my life is the fact my parents are moving out of the house I grew up it. It is so weird, because I never thought the day would come. But I am so happy for them, they deserve it and have given up so much to wait this long. The house is gorgeous, brand new, is on three acres and is located twelve miles outside of Willis in the country. It's really exciting. Plus since my dad got a new job in downtown Houston, it will make it easier for him to commute.
So much is going on in my life and well your just going to have to stay tuned to see if I make it out alive.
Ring day was two weeks ago, it was definitely one of the best days I have experienced at A&M. My parents came into town and were there to experience the day with me. The whole week preceding the event I couldn't focus on anything except getting my ring! I couldn't have asked for better people to get it with either, my parents, Tiffany and Justin. The hard work and dedication was well worth it. Nothing can compare to the feeling of sliding the Aggie Ring on. Afterward we celebrated in style and drank a beer at the Chicken, WH09P!
Last weekend was mine and Tiffany's ring dunk as well as my birthday party. Starting around 9:30 people started showing up. Sugar Pants came pulled a bottle of champagne out of his backpack and handed it to me. It was from Suz, directly from Paris with her handwriting decorating it. I started crying, a good cry. I miss her so much and I wish she could have been there but it also meant so much to me and reminded me of all the good times we have had together. It made me smile and still does just thinking about it.
For the ring dunk....It went well, we both drank all of our beer and proceeded to puke it right back up. But hey, we sucked it up and suffered through it together! I never would have thought I would dunk my ring with Tiffany of all people, either. She has always been there for me and we have had our times of fading in and out of each others lives. But dunking it with her just felt so right and is something we will never forget.
My birthday weekend went okay, nothing too special. It made me realize although I am graduating a semester early, I am so ready to move on with the next step of my life. Noel came into town to see me dunk and I realized I missed Dallas. But don't think at the same time I am not scared, because hell I am scared shitless. Moving on with another chapter of my life is scary especially when we are talking about setting the foundation for the rest of my life.
Next month I am going to Dallas for a weekend to look for a place to live and to talk to a financial advisor, can you believe it, me talking all grown up? Kind of surreal.
Also another change going on in my life is the fact my parents are moving out of the house I grew up it. It is so weird, because I never thought the day would come. But I am so happy for them, they deserve it and have given up so much to wait this long. The house is gorgeous, brand new, is on three acres and is located twelve miles outside of Willis in the country. It's really exciting. Plus since my dad got a new job in downtown Houston, it will make it easier for him to commute.
So much is going on in my life and well your just going to have to stay tuned to see if I make it out alive.
9.14.2008
Chapter 5 - Growing Up
It is a Sunday evening and as of now I have not accomplished a damn thing this weekend. All I can seem to think about is leaving this amazing place in less than three months. I thought I was ready to face the real world but I don't think I am anymore. The past couple of weeks I have had so much fun with my friends. Hanging out, drinking, and laughing all the time.
Last week before, I had a gathering at my house. I was looking out the window while the sun was setting and I started to tear up. As cliche as it might sound, it was a dawning moment. I realized I really do have to leave College Station soon. Right when I found such an amazing 'crew'.
I'm scared of getting caught up in the corporate world and loosing track of who I am and who I want to be. Don't get me wrong, I am completely driven and intend to be high up in an organization one day. Yet I hope who I have seen myself become doesn't change. I never imagined that I could possible be proud of myself, but I am. I am proud of the hard work and dedication I have put forth into my education and my career. I can only hope this is the begining of something that much greater.
Last week before, I had a gathering at my house. I was looking out the window while the sun was setting and I started to tear up. As cliche as it might sound, it was a dawning moment. I realized I really do have to leave College Station soon. Right when I found such an amazing 'crew'.
I'm scared of getting caught up in the corporate world and loosing track of who I am and who I want to be. Don't get me wrong, I am completely driven and intend to be high up in an organization one day. Yet I hope who I have seen myself become doesn't change. I never imagined that I could possible be proud of myself, but I am. I am proud of the hard work and dedication I have put forth into my education and my career. I can only hope this is the begining of something that much greater.
9.02.2008
Chapter 4 - Content
A week and a half into school and I am already stressed. The biggest stress is behind me though. I am sending in my acceptance letter to BofA tomorrow! I'll be starting my new job in February 2009. I am so excited! But I have a full semester ahead of me. Lots of reading and writing.
Things are going pretty smoothly in my personal life. It is such a surreal feeling being content while I am still single. I have no desire for a relationship either. I have too much change occuring in the next few months to even consider one. I love hanging out with my group of friends right now, everyone is so carefree and happy, just what I need.
I've decided to make some major changes in my life. I need to for reasons I am keeping to myself. I know these changes are for the better and will only benefit me in the future.
It might be weird but I am missing my job from BofA already. I don't think I am completely ready to grow up, but I am getting there.
I get my Aggie ring in less than 20 days, WHOOP! Still gotta plan out the ring dunk...
Things are pretty great in Aggieland!
Things are going pretty smoothly in my personal life. It is such a surreal feeling being content while I am still single. I have no desire for a relationship either. I have too much change occuring in the next few months to even consider one. I love hanging out with my group of friends right now, everyone is so carefree and happy, just what I need.
I've decided to make some major changes in my life. I need to for reasons I am keeping to myself. I know these changes are for the better and will only benefit me in the future.
It might be weird but I am missing my job from BofA already. I don't think I am completely ready to grow up, but I am getting there.
I get my Aggie ring in less than 20 days, WHOOP! Still gotta plan out the ring dunk...
Things are pretty great in Aggieland!
8.14.2008
Chapter 3 - Forgiveness
"You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well." - Lewis B Smedes
I truly believe to move on with your life you must forgive the ones who have deceived you in the past. Most of my close friends are aware of the pain I have gone through this past year. I found out that the person I truly loved, lied to me more than I ever thought possible. I will admit I was not the best person to him at times but I can say with all my heart I was always honest with him about my actions and emotions.
I need to, shit, I have to come to terms with my past. Sometimes I wonder if I will never be able to trust another man again. Right now I know I can't and it angers me to think even though I am moving on with my life, he ultimately might be the reason I will never be able to trust or fall in love again.
Right now, I can’t say I forgive him for everything he did, the pain he put me through, or the times he made me doubt myself. I do however hope the best for him and hope he is truly happy because there was a time I did love him.
Tomorrow is my last day at BofA and I am heading back home right after work. I am excited and scared of what is in front of me.
I am excited to see all my friends and family again, because they are what truly makes me happy. But I am scared to leave Dallas. I have had such an amazing experience here, not only with work but with life in general. I haven't been this happy in a while and I think I finally figured out the direction I want my life to head.
Although Noel and I have only been close friends for the past six months, I don't know what I am going to do with out her so close to me for five months. We both have gone through a lot in the past few years and we can always see where the other is coming from. I definitely have to thank her for slapping me across the face the other day and shoving me back to reality. Let's just say I was enjoying myself a little too much and needed to get back on track.
Hopefully by the end of this month I will learn if I have an offer from the bank. So far I have no reason to believe I don't, but I am not going to count my chickens... I've narrowed the places down where I want to live when I come back and have began to seriously narrow down my choices of the type of puppy I want to get in December.
I'm looking forward to a great last semester at A&M, for the memories it will give me and the stressful times that will haunt me. I am especially looking forward to getting my Aggie ring. Tiffany, my childhood friend is dunking it with me. We've known each other since we were in diapers, we grew apart during middle school and high school but always stayed in touch. And now she is at A&M with me and we get to experience my favorite tradition together.
Oh and Tiffany got engaged! I was utterly speechless. I couldn't stop smiling. I still am in shock, but a good shock. Good luck to the two of you!
As I look out my office window, all I remember are the good times I had here. The sleepless nights of fun, before, during and after the bar. The great people I met. The friendships that blossomed. And an experience I will never forget.
I truly believe to move on with your life you must forgive the ones who have deceived you in the past. Most of my close friends are aware of the pain I have gone through this past year. I found out that the person I truly loved, lied to me more than I ever thought possible. I will admit I was not the best person to him at times but I can say with all my heart I was always honest with him about my actions and emotions.
I need to, shit, I have to come to terms with my past. Sometimes I wonder if I will never be able to trust another man again. Right now I know I can't and it angers me to think even though I am moving on with my life, he ultimately might be the reason I will never be able to trust or fall in love again.
Right now, I can’t say I forgive him for everything he did, the pain he put me through, or the times he made me doubt myself. I do however hope the best for him and hope he is truly happy because there was a time I did love him.
Tomorrow is my last day at BofA and I am heading back home right after work. I am excited and scared of what is in front of me.
I am excited to see all my friends and family again, because they are what truly makes me happy. But I am scared to leave Dallas. I have had such an amazing experience here, not only with work but with life in general. I haven't been this happy in a while and I think I finally figured out the direction I want my life to head.
Although Noel and I have only been close friends for the past six months, I don't know what I am going to do with out her so close to me for five months. We both have gone through a lot in the past few years and we can always see where the other is coming from. I definitely have to thank her for slapping me across the face the other day and shoving me back to reality. Let's just say I was enjoying myself a little too much and needed to get back on track.
Hopefully by the end of this month I will learn if I have an offer from the bank. So far I have no reason to believe I don't, but I am not going to count my chickens... I've narrowed the places down where I want to live when I come back and have began to seriously narrow down my choices of the type of puppy I want to get in December.
I'm looking forward to a great last semester at A&M, for the memories it will give me and the stressful times that will haunt me. I am especially looking forward to getting my Aggie ring. Tiffany, my childhood friend is dunking it with me. We've known each other since we were in diapers, we grew apart during middle school and high school but always stayed in touch. And now she is at A&M with me and we get to experience my favorite tradition together.
Oh and Tiffany got engaged! I was utterly speechless. I couldn't stop smiling. I still am in shock, but a good shock. Good luck to the two of you!
As I look out my office window, all I remember are the good times I had here. The sleepless nights of fun, before, during and after the bar. The great people I met. The friendships that blossomed. And an experience I will never forget.
8.06.2008
Chapter 2 - Faith
I believe things happen for a reason, people change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they go right. You believe lies so you eventually start to trust no one but yourself and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
~ Marilyn Monroe
If you would have showed me this quote a year ago, I would have laughed in your face. Especially if you told me I myself would change. I never thought I could change who I was or what I stood for. I haven't changed much and most of my values are still in place, but there is defiantly a stronger side to me these days. I don't need a man to tell me how much I am worth, how amazing I look, or how sweet I am. I can now look in the mirror and stare back at the person and tell them, you are beautiful, you are worth more than words will ever express, you can achieve anything you set your mind to, and lastly you will never settle for second best again.
So the thoughts in the above paragraph are pretty typical of a girl. Naturally I realize there were will ups and down in my life where I won't feel so top on the world, but at least I know what it feels like. I realize no woman is ever truly happy with every aspect of her life or body, but that doesn't mean it should keep you from enjoying life and living it to the fullest.
Things are still going great at work and I am hoping to have good news soon regarding a full time position in the spring.
Besides feel great, there is nothing to adventurous going on in the Life of Laura.
Later gator, this girl needs her beauty sleep.
~ Marilyn Monroe
If you would have showed me this quote a year ago, I would have laughed in your face. Especially if you told me I myself would change. I never thought I could change who I was or what I stood for. I haven't changed much and most of my values are still in place, but there is defiantly a stronger side to me these days. I don't need a man to tell me how much I am worth, how amazing I look, or how sweet I am. I can now look in the mirror and stare back at the person and tell them, you are beautiful, you are worth more than words will ever express, you can achieve anything you set your mind to, and lastly you will never settle for second best again.
So the thoughts in the above paragraph are pretty typical of a girl. Naturally I realize there were will ups and down in my life where I won't feel so top on the world, but at least I know what it feels like. I realize no woman is ever truly happy with every aspect of her life or body, but that doesn't mean it should keep you from enjoying life and living it to the fullest.
Things are still going great at work and I am hoping to have good news soon regarding a full time position in the spring.
Besides feel great, there is nothing to adventurous going on in the Life of Laura.
Later gator, this girl needs her beauty sleep.
8.04.2008
Chapter 1 - The Best Summer of My Life
I swear this summer has been the best. Fun times with great people. Working at BofA, interning and working in the area of my dreams. I love it!
I should never have doubted myself and my decision to move here. I have had crazy nights with Noel and Heather and look forward to more after graduation.
I am supposed to learn by the last week of August if BofA will offer me a full time position after graduation. I am crossing my fingers, because I love this place!
My nephews, brother and sister in-law came up this weekend. I hadn't seen the boys in two months. It was so nice to see them. They always know how to bring a smile to my face. We went to a Ranger game, didn't stay the whole time. It was way to f-in hot. Passed out at the hotel then met up with my Aunt and her family on Sunday. I am grateful for such a wonderful family that supports me and loves me for me.
I haven't been this content with my life in a while. I'm single and loving it. I can't wait to start a new life up here in Dallas in the spring.
So long from Dallas, I figured it was time for a quick update.
I should never have doubted myself and my decision to move here. I have had crazy nights with Noel and Heather and look forward to more after graduation.
I am supposed to learn by the last week of August if BofA will offer me a full time position after graduation. I am crossing my fingers, because I love this place!
My nephews, brother and sister in-law came up this weekend. I hadn't seen the boys in two months. It was so nice to see them. They always know how to bring a smile to my face. We went to a Ranger game, didn't stay the whole time. It was way to f-in hot. Passed out at the hotel then met up with my Aunt and her family on Sunday. I am grateful for such a wonderful family that supports me and loves me for me.
I haven't been this content with my life in a while. I'm single and loving it. I can't wait to start a new life up here in Dallas in the spring.
So long from Dallas, I figured it was time for a quick update.
7.16.2008
Halfway Through My Internship
Wow, six weeks has gone by incredibly fast! Things have been going pretty good up here in Dallas. I had my midpoint review yesterday with my boss. Before hand I wasn't too nervous about 'the talk' but once I got in there, oh my gosh my hands started sweating! But it all went well and I met standards on three topics and exceeded on three others. I really hope I get an offer. I love it here.
The only drawback is not getting to see my BFF's or my family. I miss LD and Gabe so much. I talk to them on the phone but it doesn't compare to seeing them and getting to spend time with them. I can't wait for them to come up here and visit.
I have come to realize being a grownup and paying for your own bills sucks! Oh well it still beats being a student and studying.
Nothing too interesting has gone on since my last post. Well, that I can think of. Winston is starting to be a pissy pot and he meows every freaking morning at 5AM, ruining my sleep. Damn cat. I've been reading a lot this summer, I know who knew, me read? Six books to be exact, my next is awaiting me at my door step delivered today courtesy of UPS. The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous and Broke by Suze Orman. Some people might think, reading a book on money, BORING but I tend to believe it will be very interesting and will probably teach me a thing or two.
Hope all is well and call me if you hit up the Big-D anytime soon!
The only drawback is not getting to see my BFF's or my family. I miss LD and Gabe so much. I talk to them on the phone but it doesn't compare to seeing them and getting to spend time with them. I can't wait for them to come up here and visit.
I have come to realize being a grownup and paying for your own bills sucks! Oh well it still beats being a student and studying.
Nothing too interesting has gone on since my last post. Well, that I can think of. Winston is starting to be a pissy pot and he meows every freaking morning at 5AM, ruining my sleep. Damn cat. I've been reading a lot this summer, I know who knew, me read? Six books to be exact, my next is awaiting me at my door step delivered today courtesy of UPS. The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous and Broke by Suze Orman. Some people might think, reading a book on money, BORING but I tend to believe it will be very interesting and will probably teach me a thing or two.
Hope all is well and call me if you hit up the Big-D anytime soon!
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