I woke up this morning feeling ten times better than I did yesterday. Thank goodness. I don’t think I could take two days of crappiness in a row.
Today I am excited about everything, most of which deals with moving. The big move is a little less than three weeks. Wow.
I just balanced my checkbook and redid my budget for the next two months. Not too shabby.
I want to figure out how I am going to decorate my apartment, but I have no idea of the actual dimensions. I keep coming up with ideas, but have yet to know if it will work out.
Going to get my car cleaned and detailed after work, another $100 bucks out of my pocket so I can sell my car.
I really need to wash clothes and clean my apartment. Now the test, will it actually happen tonight? There is a fifty-fifty chance.
Tomorrow is happy hour, the best weekday activity ever invented.
Kiss. Kiss.
1.26.2010
1.25.2010
Chapter 25 – Something You May Not Know
I’m a pretty open book when it comes to telling people about me. However, after having a conversation with a close friend it occurred to me that most of my friends and colleagues have no idea what I struggle with on a daily basis.
Depression.
I’ve dealt with depression for as long as I can remember. I was diagnosed with it my senior year of high school but had encounters with it way before then. Although, it should not have been surprising seeing as though a large chunk of my family deals with it and being bi-polar like it is a normal occurrence of everyday life.
I take a medicine daily, the highest dose one can take. If I take it religiously, I am fine and deal with ups and downs as any other person may. However, I’m not perfect. I miss it every now and then and sometimes even miss a couple days ie. this past weekend.
It is now Monday and I am in horribly funky mood, it’s unreal. I haven’t felt like this in a very long time and I do not like it at all. I don’t even know how to explain it. I love my life. I think it’s great. But today my brain is telling me differently. It is a horrible feeling. Not being able to be happy when you want to so badly. Tomorrow will be better. I’ll be back to normal by Wednesday. Sadly, this isn’t the first time this has happened.
Depression was a huge struggle in my relationship with Tim. Although he never held it against me and was always supportive, he blamed our breakup/s on it. I can honestly say that depression was never a factor in breaking up with him. It was the lack of trust plain and simple, one day I hope he understands that.
As far as friendships go, I don’t think it has ever been a factor in the ending of any. If I’m having a bad day I try to be honest with myself and the people around me, so they understand it’s not them.
That leads me to relationships with my family, especially with my mother. When I was younger I would always blame myself on how my mother treated me. With the help of a psychologist, I slowly realized it wasn’t my fault and I now understand that she was dealing with her depression while trying to be my mom at the same time. Not a simple task. My father has always been supportive of everything in my life and I talk to him about everything. However, I don’t think we have ever discussed my situation without others being involved in the conversation. He himself admits it’s something he has never been able to understand. How is it someone I confide in all the time has no idea how to deal with something so huge in my life? It baffles me.
I wish more people could understand but I realize most people can’t unless they have dealt with it. Which, I hope no one ever has to. But if they do, then they can always come to me.
On a lighter note:
I move to the big city in a little less than three weeks. It is beyond crazy. Once I sell my car, I am completely ready. Texas, I’ll miss you.
My next blog will be more uplifting! Or at least I hope it is. :)
Depression.
I’ve dealt with depression for as long as I can remember. I was diagnosed with it my senior year of high school but had encounters with it way before then. Although, it should not have been surprising seeing as though a large chunk of my family deals with it and being bi-polar like it is a normal occurrence of everyday life.
I take a medicine daily, the highest dose one can take. If I take it religiously, I am fine and deal with ups and downs as any other person may. However, I’m not perfect. I miss it every now and then and sometimes even miss a couple days ie. this past weekend.
It is now Monday and I am in horribly funky mood, it’s unreal. I haven’t felt like this in a very long time and I do not like it at all. I don’t even know how to explain it. I love my life. I think it’s great. But today my brain is telling me differently. It is a horrible feeling. Not being able to be happy when you want to so badly. Tomorrow will be better. I’ll be back to normal by Wednesday. Sadly, this isn’t the first time this has happened.
Depression was a huge struggle in my relationship with Tim. Although he never held it against me and was always supportive, he blamed our breakup/s on it. I can honestly say that depression was never a factor in breaking up with him. It was the lack of trust plain and simple, one day I hope he understands that.
As far as friendships go, I don’t think it has ever been a factor in the ending of any. If I’m having a bad day I try to be honest with myself and the people around me, so they understand it’s not them.
That leads me to relationships with my family, especially with my mother. When I was younger I would always blame myself on how my mother treated me. With the help of a psychologist, I slowly realized it wasn’t my fault and I now understand that she was dealing with her depression while trying to be my mom at the same time. Not a simple task. My father has always been supportive of everything in my life and I talk to him about everything. However, I don’t think we have ever discussed my situation without others being involved in the conversation. He himself admits it’s something he has never been able to understand. How is it someone I confide in all the time has no idea how to deal with something so huge in my life? It baffles me.
I wish more people could understand but I realize most people can’t unless they have dealt with it. Which, I hope no one ever has to. But if they do, then they can always come to me.
On a lighter note:
I move to the big city in a little less than three weeks. It is beyond crazy. Once I sell my car, I am completely ready. Texas, I’ll miss you.
My next blog will be more uplifting! Or at least I hope it is. :)
1.20.2010
Chapter 24 - On Top of the World
I can’t express how excited I am for my move in three weeks. My trip to the city this past weekend went great. I found an apartment, got approved and signed my lease! It’s a block from Charles Schurz Park, which is supposed to be awesome and has a dog run for Teddy. Plus, my new place is only a few block from the Subway. Of course it is tiny, but to me, it’s perfect. It’s on the second floor, a full wall of exposed brick, a full kitchen, and has wooden floor.
Although my cost of living has just doubled, it is totally going to be worth it. Me, LKC, living in NYC. Un-freaking-believable.
I’m truly blessed with what God has provided me throughout my life. I certainly wouldn’t be where I am today without the support system of my family and friends.
Three weeks left in Dallas. I need to soak up all the time with my friends as possible. I have a feeling with Suz comes up here for my party (which symbolizes me and her both leaving for big cities), I'm going to have a very very intense cry. I will start preparing now.
Although my cost of living has just doubled, it is totally going to be worth it. Me, LKC, living in NYC. Un-freaking-believable.
I’m truly blessed with what God has provided me throughout my life. I certainly wouldn’t be where I am today without the support system of my family and friends.
Three weeks left in Dallas. I need to soak up all the time with my friends as possible. I have a feeling with Suz comes up here for my party (which symbolizes me and her both leaving for big cities), I'm going to have a very very intense cry. I will start preparing now.
1.14.2010
Chapter 23 - Flying to the City
I'm headed out early Saturday morning to NYC. Off to find a place to live for the first year in the city. I'm nervous I won't find a place and the thing is, I kind of have to. It is so more complicated to get into an apartment there. You have to have; last two tax returns, last two bank statements, proof of employment, last two pay stubs, and a billion dollars for a deposit. It's ridiculous. That is the worst thing about this move, everything else is great. Well, thus far. I figured I would love the first month, hate the second, and finally get acquainted thereafter.
I still can't believe I am really doing it. Only taking two bags, Teddy and Winston. What in the world am I thinking? Only time will tell of the events that are to come.
I still can't believe I am really doing it. Only taking two bags, Teddy and Winston. What in the world am I thinking? Only time will tell of the events that are to come.
1.05.2010
Chapter 22 - Big City Girl
Yup that's right. In less than a month and a half, I will be moving to New York City. Can you believe that? Me, small town-country girl is moving to the big city. I am extremely excited and can't wait to see what the future has in store for me! I've given away most of my stuff and just a have big items to sell and I am ready. I am going to be dirt poor for a bit until I can build my savings back up, but it is totally worth it.
Things have been pretty great the past few months. I took at two and a half week vacation at the end of last year. Luckily all my major projects finished before I left so I had very little to worry about. I went to see both sets of grandparents with my parents over the break and it was so bittersweet. It was the last time I was going to see my family for awhile.
I've been digging deeper into photography and I seriously considering pursuing it professionally, I just have to continue to save some money to buy better lenses and maybe one day a badass camera. I'll leave you with some recent pictures.
My cousin Sadie. I took a couple of months back:
One of my most recent sessions was of Amber posing for her bridal portrait:
And of course my all time favorite so far:
Things have been pretty great the past few months. I took at two and a half week vacation at the end of last year. Luckily all my major projects finished before I left so I had very little to worry about. I went to see both sets of grandparents with my parents over the break and it was so bittersweet. It was the last time I was going to see my family for awhile.
I've been digging deeper into photography and I seriously considering pursuing it professionally, I just have to continue to save some money to buy better lenses and maybe one day a badass camera. I'll leave you with some recent pictures.
My cousin Sadie. I took a couple of months back:
One of my most recent sessions was of Amber posing for her bridal portrait:
And of course my all time favorite so far:
11.23.2009
Chapter 21 - Empire State of Mind
It's official, I am moving to the Big Apple. I am extremely excited and can't wait for the new adventure to begin. Everyone is so supportive and that means the world to me. I can't stand when there are people that keep putting my future down, what's the deal? Jealousy. Yes.
I can't wait to see Suz on Wednesday, I haven't seen her in forever and we are going to meet up at our favorite restaurant of all time and have a few drinks.
I finally am back in Texas with Winston and Teddy and oh so happy!
Life is good.
I can't wait to see Suz on Wednesday, I haven't seen her in forever and we are going to meet up at our favorite restaurant of all time and have a few drinks.
I finally am back in Texas with Winston and Teddy and oh so happy!
Life is good.
10.12.2009
Chapter 20 - Haven't Met You Yet
Once again one of Michael Buble's songs speaks directly to my heart. It puts me in an awesome mood every time I hear it.
I am getting horrible about updating this thing. Life has been crazy busy, especially with work. I've worked so much over time this past month but I finally got to enjoy a three day weekend these past few days.
Went to Phoenix twice in September for a fast track project. Got to see amazing views of nature, but it was still for work. I'll be heading to Cali at the end of the month and then NYC in November. When I go to NYC, I'll get to the chance to meet the team I could be potentially working for on my next rotation and figure out if I am really up or moving to the big apple. I'm slightly excited!
Life in Dallas is pretty good. I haven't been in the best of moods lately. I really need to work out, it makes me feel so much better about myself when I do.
I am getting baby fever again. Ahhh! This is not fun. Especially when I am totally not ready to have a child, let alone a husband to have one with. I figured if I write about it, it will subside. Teddy and Winston will have to do for now. :)
Later Gators.
I am getting horrible about updating this thing. Life has been crazy busy, especially with work. I've worked so much over time this past month but I finally got to enjoy a three day weekend these past few days.
Went to Phoenix twice in September for a fast track project. Got to see amazing views of nature, but it was still for work. I'll be heading to Cali at the end of the month and then NYC in November. When I go to NYC, I'll get to the chance to meet the team I could be potentially working for on my next rotation and figure out if I am really up or moving to the big apple. I'm slightly excited!
Life in Dallas is pretty good. I haven't been in the best of moods lately. I really need to work out, it makes me feel so much better about myself when I do.
I am getting baby fever again. Ahhh! This is not fun. Especially when I am totally not ready to have a child, let alone a husband to have one with. I figured if I write about it, it will subside. Teddy and Winston will have to do for now. :)
Later Gators.
8.25.2009
Chapter 19 - Disappointed, Disgusted and Confused
I don't know if I should cry or be extremely pissed off right now. It has been almost two month since I last talked to one of my good friends. I've called a few times with no response. I finally broke down and wrote her an email but still no response. I'm not sure what went wrong and I have no idea why this has happened. Okay maybe I have a slight idea because it always happens when she gets in serious relationships, but seriously? I thought we were beyond that phase. There is the part of me that wants to be angry and livid, but there is the other part of me that makes me want to curl up in a ball in cry. I never would have thought a few months ago that this would be our relationship now. It just plain ol' sucks. I'm not good at maintaining friendships for a variety of reasons, but I thought just maybe this one would last. Evidently I was wrong. Damn. Another one bites the dust.
Work is going great. Things have finally begun to pick up and I am constantly busy from 7:30-4:30. I am still struggling with gaining confidence as a project manager but hopefully that will come with more experience. I didn't get a yes about NYC, but I didn't get a no. I am taking it in my own hands and making it happen myself. I would say the possibility is now around 75% of moving to NYC. I also got a new manager because my old one had way too much on his plate and couldn't dedicate enough time to his reports. But it is a win-win for everyone and I'm excited to work with my new manager who I have heard great things about.
Teddy is doing great. He is always chipper and ready to play. Winston is starting to be a pissy pot, MUCH more than before. Let the sibling rivalry continue on!
Dallas is good, I just wish I could manage the time to maintain good friendships here. I go out every Wednesday to happy hour, but thats about the only time I am devoting to building relationships. I need to work on that.
I bought a new camera and once again have fell in love. Everyone is telling me to quit my job and pursue photography, but if only everyone knew how easy it is to get into that now and would probably not work out. BUT I am strongly considering taking it up as a professional hobby and then just MAYBE I can pursue it as a profession.
Men, are simply non-existent. Mostly because I don't have time for them and when someone does show interest I just don't give them the time of day. What is wrong with me? I bitch and complain about not having someone but then I do that crap to myself. Oh the vicious Chapa cycle.
Hmmmmm, thats all I got on the noggin at this point. Later.
Work is going great. Things have finally begun to pick up and I am constantly busy from 7:30-4:30. I am still struggling with gaining confidence as a project manager but hopefully that will come with more experience. I didn't get a yes about NYC, but I didn't get a no. I am taking it in my own hands and making it happen myself. I would say the possibility is now around 75% of moving to NYC. I also got a new manager because my old one had way too much on his plate and couldn't dedicate enough time to his reports. But it is a win-win for everyone and I'm excited to work with my new manager who I have heard great things about.
Teddy is doing great. He is always chipper and ready to play. Winston is starting to be a pissy pot, MUCH more than before. Let the sibling rivalry continue on!
Dallas is good, I just wish I could manage the time to maintain good friendships here. I go out every Wednesday to happy hour, but thats about the only time I am devoting to building relationships. I need to work on that.
I bought a new camera and once again have fell in love. Everyone is telling me to quit my job and pursue photography, but if only everyone knew how easy it is to get into that now and would probably not work out. BUT I am strongly considering taking it up as a professional hobby and then just MAYBE I can pursue it as a profession.
Men, are simply non-existent. Mostly because I don't have time for them and when someone does show interest I just don't give them the time of day. What is wrong with me? I bitch and complain about not having someone but then I do that crap to myself. Oh the vicious Chapa cycle.
Hmmmmm, thats all I got on the noggin at this point. Later.
7.16.2009
Chapter 18 - These Days
Life seems to be going by at a pretty normal pace. Nothing too exciting happening in the near future, besides a river trip. I've have been thinking about my future lately. I'm just going to lay it out.
1. I am going to take the GMAT
2. Further my education and get a MBA
3. Move to New York City or Charlotte
4. Be happy with myself
5. Be proud of what I've accomplished
Five things on my to do list with in the next two years. And the last two are probably the scariest. There is a lot of reasoning behind each of them but I'm most sure more people are wondering why the hell I want to leave Texas or get my MBA so young. Honestly why the hell not? I'm young and moving out of Texas would definitely make me more marketable in the long run for my career and an MBA would just add to that. I know there is only so much you can plan, but I'm determined. If I've learned anything from the past year, it is that you are in charge of your future and every action that leads to that, is completely in your hands.
I'm going to be honest, I haven't been completely happy lately. I think my depression now comes in three month cycles. Who knows. I've started to realize that I suck at maintaining friendships. A big part might because I judge women so much harder than I do men. I hate that people are so unreliable, that people won't tell you the full truth, keep things from you so they won't hurt your feelings, and just being plain shitty. Come on people.
I'm not enjoying single life anymore. I need someone. Someone to hold me. To kiss me. To look into my eyes. To need me. I started dating again, I'm open to to it. Either my expectations are way too high, or I am just having shitty luck. Or I should just stop expecting to find anyone in the next few years. Maybe I really should just focus on me. Me, me, me.
Work is slow but will soon be picking up. I'm sure once things get busy again, I will feel as though I am contributing more and it will result in confidence. Weird how doing good at work makes me more confident.
In the mean time I will stick to thinking about selling all of my belongings, throwing my clothes in a bag, jump on a plane with Teddy and Winston, and go live in NYC.
In the mean time I will focus on loosing weight.
In the mean time I will try and be happy.
In the mean time I will try and forget about men.
In the mean time I will enjoy Texas.
In the mean time I will remind myself how luck I am to be where I am.
In the mean time I will get back to work.......
1. I am going to take the GMAT
2. Further my education and get a MBA
3. Move to New York City or Charlotte
4. Be happy with myself
5. Be proud of what I've accomplished
Five things on my to do list with in the next two years. And the last two are probably the scariest. There is a lot of reasoning behind each of them but I'm most sure more people are wondering why the hell I want to leave Texas or get my MBA so young. Honestly why the hell not? I'm young and moving out of Texas would definitely make me more marketable in the long run for my career and an MBA would just add to that. I know there is only so much you can plan, but I'm determined. If I've learned anything from the past year, it is that you are in charge of your future and every action that leads to that, is completely in your hands.
I'm going to be honest, I haven't been completely happy lately. I think my depression now comes in three month cycles. Who knows. I've started to realize that I suck at maintaining friendships. A big part might because I judge women so much harder than I do men. I hate that people are so unreliable, that people won't tell you the full truth, keep things from you so they won't hurt your feelings, and just being plain shitty. Come on people.
I'm not enjoying single life anymore. I need someone. Someone to hold me. To kiss me. To look into my eyes. To need me. I started dating again, I'm open to to it. Either my expectations are way too high, or I am just having shitty luck. Or I should just stop expecting to find anyone in the next few years. Maybe I really should just focus on me. Me, me, me.
Work is slow but will soon be picking up. I'm sure once things get busy again, I will feel as though I am contributing more and it will result in confidence. Weird how doing good at work makes me more confident.
In the mean time I will stick to thinking about selling all of my belongings, throwing my clothes in a bag, jump on a plane with Teddy and Winston, and go live in NYC.
In the mean time I will focus on loosing weight.
In the mean time I will try and be happy.
In the mean time I will try and forget about men.
In the mean time I will enjoy Texas.
In the mean time I will remind myself how luck I am to be where I am.
In the mean time I will get back to work.......
6.11.2009
Chapter 17 - As the World Turns
This week has been crazy with both work and my personal life. Work started out very stressful on Monday and Tuesday and has slowly calmed down since then. Whew, but I am still happy with my job and couldn't ask for anything better.
I went on a date last night. It was great and he seems like a great guy but I'm just not sure if there was that 'instant' click. Before and after the date was more of the entertaining part if you were on the outside looking in. I went to happy hour before my date. I was feeling good since I was all dolled up for dinner. As I walk in I'm searching for the group and finally find them. Well guess who is sitting at the table, of all people who do I see? HIM, the guy I met a month ago and hadn't seen since. Then of course the other guys had to tease me about my date the entire time. I swear it is so weird how my life tends to work itself out.
As I was leaving to go to dinner the clouds decided to let the rain pour. I drive to restaurant and run from my car to the door to get inside, soaking. All I could do was laugh.
Oh I got a puppy last month! I haven't written since then so some time has passed. His name is Teddy and he is Toto from the Wizard of Oz. He is adorable, hyper, sweet, and has a great temperament. Winston love to tease him and Teddy loves to chase back. It's pretty entertaining if I say so myself.
Life is pretty great and Dallas is amazing!
I went on a date last night. It was great and he seems like a great guy but I'm just not sure if there was that 'instant' click. Before and after the date was more of the entertaining part if you were on the outside looking in. I went to happy hour before my date. I was feeling good since I was all dolled up for dinner. As I walk in I'm searching for the group and finally find them. Well guess who is sitting at the table, of all people who do I see? HIM, the guy I met a month ago and hadn't seen since. Then of course the other guys had to tease me about my date the entire time. I swear it is so weird how my life tends to work itself out.
As I was leaving to go to dinner the clouds decided to let the rain pour. I drive to restaurant and run from my car to the door to get inside, soaking. All I could do was laugh.
Oh I got a puppy last month! I haven't written since then so some time has passed. His name is Teddy and he is Toto from the Wizard of Oz. He is adorable, hyper, sweet, and has a great temperament. Winston love to tease him and Teddy loves to chase back. It's pretty entertaining if I say so myself.
Life is pretty great and Dallas is amazing!
5.14.2009
Chapter 16 - Growing Up
I've officially been in Dallas for three demanding, challenging, and amazing months. I would be lying if I said it's been easy. There are days where I feel utterly alone and then other days where I feel as though I am on top of the world. I thought being a teenager was emotional, damn was I wrong. Growing up and living on your own while the people you care about move on with their lives.
As always, I've been thinking, and thinking, and well you know how the rest of the story goes. I miss college but also am loving work. Mixed emotions call for a Dos Equis and that's exactly what I am going to get out of my fridge.
Mmmmmmmmm. Delicious.
As always, I've been thinking, and thinking, and well you know how the rest of the story goes. I miss college but also am loving work. Mixed emotions call for a Dos Equis and that's exactly what I am going to get out of my fridge.
Mmmmmmmmm. Delicious.
4.18.2009
Chapter 15 - Irony
Wow. I am speechless right now. Someone's expecting (and its not me) and is going to be a daddy. I'm not really sure how I should feel at the moment besides utter shock. Two years ago, if you would have asked me where I see myself today, it would be married and probably living in Houston. Obviously my life is completely opposite of that now (all by personal choice); single and living in Dallas. Now someone else is living out the life I thought I was going to have. Maybe I should be happy that I didn't go through with any thing and I am not living in regret, but at the same time I'm not really sure how the hell I feel. Once a cheater always a cheater and he lost my trust long ago, the relationship would have never worked out. I still can't believe how things tend to work themselves out. Weird.
Phew, now that I am down with that, my day has been pretty great. My nephews are here and currently passed out on the floor beside me. I couldn't ask for anything better.
I can't even think right now I am still in such shock.
Oh I did get a new phone, an LG Dare, which I like so far.
Phew, now that I am down with that, my day has been pretty great. My nephews are here and currently passed out on the floor beside me. I couldn't ask for anything better.
I can't even think right now I am still in such shock.
Oh I did get a new phone, an LG Dare, which I like so far.
4.12.2009
Chapter 14 - Waiting Patiently
I'll be straight up, right now my emotional sanity is a huge roller coaster. Today I woke up at my parents to realize I'm really not ready to face the real world, yet I am already in it. I feel so alone here in the big D and I know it is mostly my fault. Making friends was so much easier in college when I encountered thousands of people my age on a daily basis. Now I hardly ever socialize with anyone my age on a regular basis and I really thought I could handle it, but obviously not.
I've also been single for almost two years and I honestly never thought it would last this long. It defiantly has a plus side but dammit sometimes I really want someone to hold me and cuddle with. Someone I can confide in. I never thought I would be one of those girls who needs a man to feel complete, but I'm starting to think differently. I've been going through some stuff lately and honestly I would love to come home everyday and have someone to talk to and listen to my stupid bitching. I'm trying really hard to take Suz's advice and wait patiently, the guy of my dreams will show up when I'm least expecting it. Fuck, that might take for freaking ever.
I got to see my nephews this weekend and it was amazing. They are so great becayse they ALWAYS bring a smile to my face and lift my spirits. Gabe is such a sweetheart and David is the biggest goober I know.
Is it weird to say that I think my parents pushed me away from wanting to go back home? I came home for three days, fuck I even came home early and worked from their house on Friday yet it seemed like they really didn't even care I was there. I haven't felt this way in a really long time, but it seemed as though they had better things to do rather than talk to their daughter that they hardly see. It was depression and it really pissed me off. Especially when my dad was a jerk and in a pissy mood the entire weekend.
Maybe I'm just a Debbie downer right now and will wake up on the right side of the bed tomorrow.
Peace, love and chicken grease. I'm outta here.
I've also been single for almost two years and I honestly never thought it would last this long. It defiantly has a plus side but dammit sometimes I really want someone to hold me and cuddle with. Someone I can confide in. I never thought I would be one of those girls who needs a man to feel complete, but I'm starting to think differently. I've been going through some stuff lately and honestly I would love to come home everyday and have someone to talk to and listen to my stupid bitching. I'm trying really hard to take Suz's advice and wait patiently, the guy of my dreams will show up when I'm least expecting it. Fuck, that might take for freaking ever.
I got to see my nephews this weekend and it was amazing. They are so great becayse they ALWAYS bring a smile to my face and lift my spirits. Gabe is such a sweetheart and David is the biggest goober I know.
Is it weird to say that I think my parents pushed me away from wanting to go back home? I came home for three days, fuck I even came home early and worked from their house on Friday yet it seemed like they really didn't even care I was there. I haven't felt this way in a really long time, but it seemed as though they had better things to do rather than talk to their daughter that they hardly see. It was depression and it really pissed me off. Especially when my dad was a jerk and in a pissy mood the entire weekend.
Maybe I'm just a Debbie downer right now and will wake up on the right side of the bed tomorrow.
Peace, love and chicken grease. I'm outta here.
3.31.2009
Chapter 13 - Life's Little Annoyances
I swear I think there are people who know exactly what buttons to push and when.
I hate when people change their mind, I hate when people are fickle, and I hate and girls are stuck in the mentality that a man will make everything better. Sweetie, you need to fix yourself first. Ugh! I am beyond irritated now, I am just fed up.
Besides that, things are going pretty great up in Dallas. Work is very stressful but I knew that going in. I am what did I expect taking on a role that is usually filled by people with 10+ experience with the bank. Its good stress though, I think it will only help me in the long run.
I am covering for a project manager for four weeks while she is out on adoption leave, two more left! Let me tell you something, man OH man was it way more than I bargained for. I know it will only benefit me, but there are some MAJOR issues I have had to deal with that most project managers never deal with. But I know I am capable of handling the last week and half. I have amazing people supporting me on my team.
Chilifest is this weekend, I am sooooo excited!!! I am taking a vacation day so I can go up their early. I can't wait to see everyone and party like the old days. Ha, old days. Okay so I was there not two months ago partying, but I miss it so much!! I get to see Suz, which I am most excited about just because last year was amazing at CF. Plus I get to see all my fellow Nerds :) Oh I also get to spend some time with Grace, yay!
I miss my family terribly but I am going to get to see my nephews for the next three weekends! I am going to stop by Sunday on the way back to Dallas, make a little detour to see my amazing nephews!! Next weekend is Easter and the weekend after that they are coming to visit! You have no idea how excited I am. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!
I'm still not sure about this single life. Don't get me wrong, it has its greatness, but I also am craving to cuddle and have that special someone.
I've been working out and eating healthy for two weeks now. Lost a little weight, but have a way to go. Taking it day by day. I am bound and determined to not completely ruin it at CF.
The security guard in my complex hit my car with his little golf cart today. WTF. Oh well, he reported it to his manager and the insurance is supposed to come and take pictures. Fun stuff, I'm telling you. Grown up life. It's where its at!
Winston says, "Meow". I am not on crazy, just super excited about this weekend!
I hate when people change their mind, I hate when people are fickle, and I hate and girls are stuck in the mentality that a man will make everything better. Sweetie, you need to fix yourself first. Ugh! I am beyond irritated now, I am just fed up.
Besides that, things are going pretty great up in Dallas. Work is very stressful but I knew that going in. I am what did I expect taking on a role that is usually filled by people with 10+ experience with the bank. Its good stress though, I think it will only help me in the long run.
I am covering for a project manager for four weeks while she is out on adoption leave, two more left! Let me tell you something, man OH man was it way more than I bargained for. I know it will only benefit me, but there are some MAJOR issues I have had to deal with that most project managers never deal with. But I know I am capable of handling the last week and half. I have amazing people supporting me on my team.
Chilifest is this weekend, I am sooooo excited!!! I am taking a vacation day so I can go up their early. I can't wait to see everyone and party like the old days. Ha, old days. Okay so I was there not two months ago partying, but I miss it so much!! I get to see Suz, which I am most excited about just because last year was amazing at CF. Plus I get to see all my fellow Nerds :) Oh I also get to spend some time with Grace, yay!
I miss my family terribly but I am going to get to see my nephews for the next three weekends! I am going to stop by Sunday on the way back to Dallas, make a little detour to see my amazing nephews!! Next weekend is Easter and the weekend after that they are coming to visit! You have no idea how excited I am. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!
I'm still not sure about this single life. Don't get me wrong, it has its greatness, but I also am craving to cuddle and have that special someone.
I've been working out and eating healthy for two weeks now. Lost a little weight, but have a way to go. Taking it day by day. I am bound and determined to not completely ruin it at CF.
The security guard in my complex hit my car with his little golf cart today. WTF. Oh well, he reported it to his manager and the insurance is supposed to come and take pictures. Fun stuff, I'm telling you. Grown up life. It's where its at!
Winston says, "Meow". I am not on crazy, just super excited about this weekend!
3.23.2009
Chapter 12 - I'm a PC and I'm Twenty-Two Years Old.
I've been in Dallas for a month now, getting into the groove of things. Trying to be a grown-up and what not, especially when I just purchased my first month of health care. I feel truly blessed everyday I stay employed. Things have been pretty damn good. Work has been highly stressful but I continue to enjoy it.
In regards to my personal life, things have been a little rough. I'm just thankful for everything I have been blessed with.
On a funny/ironic note:
Friday, I get home from work and Winston won't shut up. I can't really figure out why. Sometimes he is just in a whiny mood. My friend and I then went to dinner and to the bar. We got home around 2 in the morning, relaxed and have some drunk munchies. As I am getting ready to go to bed, I go to my window to close it and notice little balls in the dark. I proceed to turn on the light to find cat crap on my floor and duvet comforter as well as a stench of piss coming from my lovely cover. Apparently some how the door to the closet that holds Winston's crap box remained closed the entire day. FML
In regards to my personal life, things have been a little rough. I'm just thankful for everything I have been blessed with.
On a funny/ironic note:
Friday, I get home from work and Winston won't shut up. I can't really figure out why. Sometimes he is just in a whiny mood. My friend and I then went to dinner and to the bar. We got home around 2 in the morning, relaxed and have some drunk munchies. As I am getting ready to go to bed, I go to my window to close it and notice little balls in the dark. I proceed to turn on the light to find cat crap on my floor and duvet comforter as well as a stench of piss coming from my lovely cover. Apparently some how the door to the closet that holds Winston's crap box remained closed the entire day. FML
2.21.2009
Chapter 11 - Blessed
This past week I learned about six people in the IT field who were laid off. All of whom I went to school with at A&M these past few years. It's unreal and I still can't believe it. Then the huge shock came today when I learned that the lady who hired me got laid off yesterday.
I talked to my boss and she said I shouldn't worry about my job, since I am in the leadership program my job is basically guaranteed for the next two years. Yet the bank could do whatever they want, whenever they want, however they want, so I am not taking this job for granted. But since I do have a job and I will love it, I feel completely blessed. Things are great for me and I am very thankful for that.
I've decided to live on a tighter budget the next few months in order to save more money just in case I do get laid off in the near future. Things are very intense right now, especially in my field.
On a lighter note, my apartment is turning out to be great. The only things I don't have are my dining chairs and those are being delivered tomorrow. But the best thing about this place, is that its very central and close to lots of bars and restaurants where singles my age go all the time. It's a great location.
Winston my lovely kitty cat has been so cuddly the past week and I am falling in love with him all over again. Okay that might sound a little weird, but he is not the cuddly type and I love when he does decide to cuddle with me.
As for men in my life, the loneliness comes and goes. Just like everyone has been telling me, when I am least expecting it or when I quit looking, love will find me. And honestly for once I am glad there isn't some guy texting and playing games with my head.
I am definitely starting to miss my family and it sucks. I want to see my nephews so bad. :(
Overall things are going pretty great for me right now and for that I feel truly blessed.
I talked to my boss and she said I shouldn't worry about my job, since I am in the leadership program my job is basically guaranteed for the next two years. Yet the bank could do whatever they want, whenever they want, however they want, so I am not taking this job for granted. But since I do have a job and I will love it, I feel completely blessed. Things are great for me and I am very thankful for that.
I've decided to live on a tighter budget the next few months in order to save more money just in case I do get laid off in the near future. Things are very intense right now, especially in my field.
On a lighter note, my apartment is turning out to be great. The only things I don't have are my dining chairs and those are being delivered tomorrow. But the best thing about this place, is that its very central and close to lots of bars and restaurants where singles my age go all the time. It's a great location.
Winston my lovely kitty cat has been so cuddly the past week and I am falling in love with him all over again. Okay that might sound a little weird, but he is not the cuddly type and I love when he does decide to cuddle with me.
As for men in my life, the loneliness comes and goes. Just like everyone has been telling me, when I am least expecting it or when I quit looking, love will find me. And honestly for once I am glad there isn't some guy texting and playing games with my head.
I am definitely starting to miss my family and it sucks. I want to see my nephews so bad. :(
Overall things are going pretty great for me right now and for that I feel truly blessed.
1.31.2009
Chapter 10 - Vicious Cycles
There are situations I put myself in that I sometimes wonder, what the hell was/am I thinking? Most of time I really don't keep in mind the consequences that could occur due to my actions. Take for instance this past month, I started talking to a guy again that I really shouldn't have because of a certain situation. But I did and had fun at the time but now I am just wanting to slap myself across the face for being such an idiot. Obviously I got emotionally attached but the bigger of the two evils is that is just intensified the feeling of being single and lonely. Which I need to work on myself before I get into another serious relationship. Although I want someone to share my life with, I also need to be happy with me.
Only two more weeks and I will be moving to Dallas. I'm very excited! I know I have so much unknown ahead of me, but I think that is the best part. I've also have decided to hold of on getting a dog because some of the projects my boss told me that I will be on will have me traveling to NYC! So exciting!
Living at home for the past month and a half hasn't been as bad as I though, probably because I am never there on the weekends. I have been coming back to CS every weekend to spend time with friends and party while I still can. It has definitely been great.
Not much is going on in my life at the moment that is life altering, that will happen in the next few weeks. So I am off for now. Time to read. :)
Only two more weeks and I will be moving to Dallas. I'm very excited! I know I have so much unknown ahead of me, but I think that is the best part. I've also have decided to hold of on getting a dog because some of the projects my boss told me that I will be on will have me traveling to NYC! So exciting!
Living at home for the past month and a half hasn't been as bad as I though, probably because I am never there on the weekends. I have been coming back to CS every weekend to spend time with friends and party while I still can. It has definitely been great.
Not much is going on in my life at the moment that is life altering, that will happen in the next few weeks. So I am off for now. Time to read. :)
1.21.2009
Chapter 9 - Lonely
There has been so much running through my head lately. The biggest thing of all is being lonely. I think this is the first time in the past year and a half since I have been single that I honestly feel like there is something missing in my life. I am ready to be in a relationship again. I'm ready to open myself be vulnerable to someone else's actions and emotions. I'm ready to trust someone and that is one thing I never thought I would be able to do again.
I'm still in Willis for the next three and a half weeks. Boo. God I just want to be in Dallas already. Working. Being a grown up. Is that too much to ask?
I have recently had this sudden urge to have children. WAIT people, I am no where near a point in my life that I could have them. I am not ready, but I still really want them. So I will get a puppy to fill that void even if my dad thinks that getting a dog is the stupidest decision in the world.
I'm in the mood to cuddle....Winston better watch out tonight!
I'm still in Willis for the next three and a half weeks. Boo. God I just want to be in Dallas already. Working. Being a grown up. Is that too much to ask?
I have recently had this sudden urge to have children. WAIT people, I am no where near a point in my life that I could have them. I am not ready, but I still really want them. So I will get a puppy to fill that void even if my dad thinks that getting a dog is the stupidest decision in the world.
I'm in the mood to cuddle....Winston better watch out tonight!
1.01.2009
Chapter 8 - Learning to Live
A few months have gone by and so much has happened since I last updated. I graduated, went to Paris, fell for a guy, learned from my mistakes and decided a real man was worth waiting for, told myself I deserve better, found a place to live in Dallas, said goodbye to my past, and I'm sure there is plenty that I am leaving out.
There were a few times this semester where I thought, mostly out of fear and stress that I might not graduate from A&M, but I did. Honestly it was a huge personal accomplishment. Looking back at my freshman year in college I thought, fuck I am going to have to go to SAM and live with my parents because I can't handle this place. Well I did and graduated ahead of schedule with a GPA I am quite proud of.
Towards the end of the semester I started to like this guy and I knew from the beginning it would never work out, but still pursued it. It was something that was inevitable and I knew it was going to happen, but I wasn't really sure how. We finally both pursued the attraction and well let's just say I put an end to things before I got more hurt that I already had. Some things aren't meant to be and we were not.
Paris was amazing with Suzannah. It slowly became one of the best weeks of my life. Beautiful site seeing, amazing food, great times, and I place I will always remember. A couple of warnings though: you WILL get pick pocketed and don't take a US straightener overseas, it will blow up.
I'll be moving up to Dallas on February 14th to my new home. I've picked out the place, which is in Addison. Found furniture, which I need to order. And now I think I am ready to start a new chapter of my life even if I am not 100% sure about what is in store for me.
Tomorrow is my last full day in College Station. I am going to miss this place. Its where Grace and I found a bond no one can take away, where Tiffany and I got our friendship back on track to where it used to be, the place where I met amazing people who taught me its okay to be me, the town that shows me on a daily basis of why I love Texas, its the place where numerous memories where made with friends, and the place I found myself.
Dallas awaits....
There were a few times this semester where I thought, mostly out of fear and stress that I might not graduate from A&M, but I did. Honestly it was a huge personal accomplishment. Looking back at my freshman year in college I thought, fuck I am going to have to go to SAM and live with my parents because I can't handle this place. Well I did and graduated ahead of schedule with a GPA I am quite proud of.
Towards the end of the semester I started to like this guy and I knew from the beginning it would never work out, but still pursued it. It was something that was inevitable and I knew it was going to happen, but I wasn't really sure how. We finally both pursued the attraction and well let's just say I put an end to things before I got more hurt that I already had. Some things aren't meant to be and we were not.
Paris was amazing with Suzannah. It slowly became one of the best weeks of my life. Beautiful site seeing, amazing food, great times, and I place I will always remember. A couple of warnings though: you WILL get pick pocketed and don't take a US straightener overseas, it will blow up.
I'll be moving up to Dallas on February 14th to my new home. I've picked out the place, which is in Addison. Found furniture, which I need to order. And now I think I am ready to start a new chapter of my life even if I am not 100% sure about what is in store for me.
Tomorrow is my last full day in College Station. I am going to miss this place. Its where Grace and I found a bond no one can take away, where Tiffany and I got our friendship back on track to where it used to be, the place where I met amazing people who taught me its okay to be me, the town that shows me on a daily basis of why I love Texas, its the place where numerous memories where made with friends, and the place I found myself.
Dallas awaits....
10.26.2008
Chapter 7 - Paris
In exactly seven weeks I will be leaving for Paris, France. I'll be flying to there to see one of my dearest friends, S. It wasn't necessarily a spur of the moment decision. I had been wanting to go over ever since she left back in May, but I finally decided why the hell not. I bought a ticket and will be flying out December 15th. It's a graduation present to myself. It will however further my accumulation of debt, but when will I ever get a chance to go to a foreign country for an entire week and experience it with an amazing friend? So far the only thing written in stone is my departure of the 15th, my return on the 23rd, and staying in Suz's grandfather's apartment in Paris. I still can't believe that I, LC decided all in one day to buy a ticket and go. Of course I still need to go and get my passport which I will do this coming week. I'm ridiculously excited to spend a week in a beautiful city with S. Don't worry, there will be tons of pictures capturing our 'Suzaura Adventures'!
In other news, seven weeks also symbolizes the pivotal date of graduation. I'm still working me ass off for good grades but not getting any in return. I am almost tempted to say screw it and aim for passing grades, but that isn't who I am. Graduation is close yet so unbelievable far away.
I went back home this weekend for the day to see my nephews. I love spending time with them, they are pretty amazing. At the same time I also came to realize how negative my mother can be. Back in high school we always fought, mostly because were so alike, but now I am in a different place in my life. I defiantly have a better outlook on life. Especially now, I am about to graduation, go to Paris, and then start a new job in a new city. I know it partly has to do with how she was raised and hardly received praise from her parents, but dammit for once I know I deserve some and I just wish she could at least show some excitement for me. Even with her own life it seems she can't be excited either. My parent are closing on a brand new house on Thursday, their first brand new house after 32 years of marriage and she didn't seem the least bit excited when she was talking about it. Weird...
But I guess I can never be satisfied with anything because before it was my father. I worked my ass off in school in order to please him. This past year with everything going on he told me he was proud of me. It was one of the better moments in my life to know my father was proud of his daughter and realize all of the hard work I've thrown myself into.
I am still thoroughly enjoying the single life. It has been more than a year since I've been in a relationship. This year has given me insight into what I really want in a guy, mostly generic qualities. I also know how I should and shouldn't act in a relationship and when to get out of one. At the same time, I am honestly 100% secure with being single right now, okay maybe 99% because there will always be those late nights where you wish you were sharing the covers with someone.
There is a so much ahead of me and I think the party is just beginning!
In other news, seven weeks also symbolizes the pivotal date of graduation. I'm still working me ass off for good grades but not getting any in return. I am almost tempted to say screw it and aim for passing grades, but that isn't who I am. Graduation is close yet so unbelievable far away.
I went back home this weekend for the day to see my nephews. I love spending time with them, they are pretty amazing. At the same time I also came to realize how negative my mother can be. Back in high school we always fought, mostly because were so alike, but now I am in a different place in my life. I defiantly have a better outlook on life. Especially now, I am about to graduation, go to Paris, and then start a new job in a new city. I know it partly has to do with how she was raised and hardly received praise from her parents, but dammit for once I know I deserve some and I just wish she could at least show some excitement for me. Even with her own life it seems she can't be excited either. My parent are closing on a brand new house on Thursday, their first brand new house after 32 years of marriage and she didn't seem the least bit excited when she was talking about it. Weird...
But I guess I can never be satisfied with anything because before it was my father. I worked my ass off in school in order to please him. This past year with everything going on he told me he was proud of me. It was one of the better moments in my life to know my father was proud of his daughter and realize all of the hard work I've thrown myself into.
I am still thoroughly enjoying the single life. It has been more than a year since I've been in a relationship. This year has given me insight into what I really want in a guy, mostly generic qualities. I also know how I should and shouldn't act in a relationship and when to get out of one. At the same time, I am honestly 100% secure with being single right now, okay maybe 99% because there will always be those late nights where you wish you were sharing the covers with someone.
There is a so much ahead of me and I think the party is just beginning!
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